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MEET YOUR US NATIONAL SOCCER TEAM! ...Probably

The World Cup is coming next summer, and whether you know it or not the US has already qualified to be able to compete. Hell, they qualified before Mexico! Take that WORLD! Now, may I present to you the players who are likely to make the cut. WARNING: This is speculation, if I'm wrong, please don't sue me, or come to my house, or write angry letters to my family.

  • LANDON DONOVAN

    sports,dempsey,world cup,donovan,usmnt,soccer
    By Unknown
    You know how I just said that this list is speculation? Well, I lied. Donovan will most definitely be on the world cup roster (Barring some unforeseen incident). Just look how cool he is, he steals people's sunglasses.

    Position: Winger/Forward
  • CLINT DEMPSEY

    sports,dempsey,world cup,donovan,usmnt,soccer
    By Unknown
    When he's not making crazy, weird faces he's busy captaining the national team. Currently considered one of the best american players, what you may not know him for is his burgeoning rap career. Also, similar to the energizer bunny, he can take hit after hit and keep on ticking. In fact you could say, "If he's not getting injured, he's not playing hard enough."

    Position: Midfield/Forward
  • OMAR GONZALEZ

    sports,dempsey,world cup,donovan,usmnt,soccer
    By Unknown
    One heck of a defender, but Omar's biggest problem on the field is the insatiable desire to eat the brains of his teammates.

    Position: Central Defender
  • TIM HOWARD

    sports,dempsey,world cup,donovan,usmnt,soccer
    By Unknown
    The brick wall of a goalie, this bald wonder is one of the top Americans to ever play between the pipes. Also, did you know he has Tourette's Syndrome? Just throwing that out there.

    Position: Goalkeeper
  • MICHAEL BRADLEY

    sports,dempsey,world cup,donovan,usmnt,soccer
    By Unknown
    Aptly nicknamed "The General" Michael Bradley rallies the troops and gets solid strategic movement out of the rest of his team. Also, he hates it when people fart. Really, he hates it. Look at his face.

    Position: Central Midfielder
  • EDDIE JOHNHSON

    sports,dempsey,world cup,donovan,usmnt,soccer
    By Unknown
    Don't let him fool you, Eddie is a fighter not a lover. This beast of a striker has seen his USMNT stock rise recently, but his ego seems to be inflating right along with it. He'll probably be selected, but I'm not totally convinced he'll play.

    Position: Forward
  • KYLE BECKERMAN

    sports,dempsey,world cup,donovan,usmnt,soccer
    By Unknown
    Most commonly known as that guy with a tangled octopus of dreads on his head, but he also is a pretty decent midfielder. When he's not relaxing in suits and posing for the ladies.

    Position: Midfielder
  • MATT BESLER

    sports,dempsey,world cup,donovan,usmnt,soccer
    By Unknown
    The kid from Kansas City can sure toss that damn ball in a game where you're supposed to use your feet. A lesser known fact, is that he's a solid defender with a good strategic mind. But that's boring. THROW FARTHER!

    Position: Central Defender
  • JERMAINE JONES

    sports,dempsey,world cup,donovan,usmnt,soccer
    By Unknown
    Lately, he's been a bit of a liability, but generally he's pretty solid at making things happen. But, forget all that. His head looks like a snowy chia pet, and that is awesome.

    Position: Midfielder
  • GEOFF CAMERON

    sports,dempsey,world cup,donovan,usmnt,soccer
    By Unknown
    With a pose like that, he should be on the bow of the Titanic. Generally a defender, he has been known to work some magic up the sides of the field. But, the real magic is how his hair always looks windblown.

    Position: Defender/Midfielder
  • JOZY ALTIDORE

    sports,dempsey,world cup,donovan,usmnt,soccer
    By Unknown
    Damn that goal happened fast, but who the hell is he trying to wave over in his celebration? Family and friends aren't allowed on the field, bro! Still at his old club AZ Alkmaar he filled the net more than those "Deadliest Catch" fellas. Wait, do they use nets?

    Position: Forward
  • DaMarcus Beasley

    sports,dempsey,world cup,donovan,usmnt,soccer
    By Unknown
    What a WHIFF! Ok, normally DaMarcus isn't that bad, but look at that. I bet he sees that in his nightmares. Still, this ridiculous miss aside, he's a pretty solid left back. But JESUS... so bad.

    Position: Defender

    Now this isn't everyone, there's still 11 more players who can go on the list, for a total of 23. So, keep your eyes peeled for the actual roster some time next year. Till next time, sports fans!
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