Thousands of Innocent, Precious Cans of Coffee Stranded Along Florida Coast

Somewhere out there, a barge is missing some very important cargo.

This morning, thousands of cans of Cafe Bustelo coffee washed up on shore in Indiatlantic, Florida. If you happen to live near by, you may want to jump in your car and join other residents in looting beaches for cans and cases of precious, precious caffeine. The coffee suffered a long and tumultuous journey on the open ocean after it likely fell off a cargo ship headed for Puerto Rico, but the goods inside are reported to still be sealed and dry.

Look at those poor cans; they're suffering! Take them home.