DeadEmotions

My friend comes over and tells my dad she's expecting Dad: If it comes out the way it went in yo...

*My dad and I were at the mall and some guy was handing out free samples of their new fudge* Fre...

*Dad and I are discussing the similarities and differences between the Doctor and the Jedi* Mom:...

(My Father, in a bar, saying that the music on a jukebox stops whenever someone says something em...

Mom (leaving a message on my grandpa's phone): Call back, it's your favorite daughter. Grandpa: ...

(At a store and I'm trying to decide on a card for my friend's b-day) Mom: (walking really fast ...

*I was cranky on afternoon, and my dad thought that he was being funny* Dad: She got out of bed,...

(Note: I have always been way too skinny, and I have been trying to put on weight for years. Yes...

(mum's telling us to turn off the TV) Mum: I've told u 1,000 times. TURN IT OFF!!! (jack and I ...

Mom: Don't get old. It sucks. Eldest sister: Meaning we should die young? Middle sister: Yay! I...

Dad: when life gives you lemons, squeeze the juice into your enemy's papercuts.

(I overheard this conversation between a man and his son at the pizza parlor where I work.) Dad:...

Mom (while in a stall at a public bathroom): Oh! I AM wearing underwear!

Mom to Dad, with me in the room: Guess what? Our baby girl has PUBIC HAIR. Me: MOM!!! Dad, laug...

working out in the garden on a hot day Mom: im sweating like a hooker at a southern baptist revi...

Mom always wants grandchildren (I'm 24). Mom: Hey when are you going to have kids? Me: Um... wh...

Dad to the cat: I won't let any walruses eat you now, will I? (We live in Nevada by the way)

Me: So I was thinking about buying a Prius... Mom: *Shrieks* Where did you learn such bad words?...

*My sister flips her top lip under so it looks like she has no top lip* Sister: Mum, would you s...

(This is after my great grandma dies at her funeral) Preacher: ...And her souls looks down on us...

*my friend and I are hanging out at my place* Me to my friend: remember when i said my dad does...

Me(planning my wedding):Mom what song did you walk down the isle to? Dad: Running with the Devil...