Crazy Things Parents Say
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(watching the Green Hornet) Me: That guy got a bronze statue of himself for his grave? That woul...
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Mom: Wow! I have a lot of one dollar bills. It's like I'm a pole dancer!
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(My grandma's on treatment for cancer) Grandma: Oh, it's not too bad, I get morphine and happy p...
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Mom: Yesterday the dog went out in the yard, ate some mushrooms, and then threw up in the house. ...
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Dad: I think the ending of Harry Potter resembled Star Wars too much. Me: What do you mean? Dad...
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Mom: What is the song "Black and Yellow" about? A cab?
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(Mother after watching the movie Bruno) Mother: you have to go clean the bathroom. The penis cl...
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Mom: You could be one of those Chippendales guys. Me: Sure I could... Mom: I am sure they have ...
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Mom: Dancing, gambling, and drinking! What else is religion for?
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(Going to See the Midnight showing of Cowboys and Aliens.) Mom: Be Safe! Don't pick up anybody! ...
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Brother: I have a great idea for my assignment! I had it on the toilet! Dad: Great ideas often s...
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Me: Is that allowed? Dad: (yells) TWO!!!! Me: What?!? Dad: Is that a loud two?
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(While my dad was driving me to my boyfriends house) Me: We are too early, I want to be right o...
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(At fast food drive through) Drive-through Teller: Do you want fries with that? Dad: No thanks,...
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Waitress topping up coffee: Can I warm that up for you? Dad: You just saved my life... Some folk...
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Me: Ha! I finally got that one black hair growing out of my freckle! Mom: What?! You can't pluck...
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(My Dad is teaching me to drive before I got my license.) Dad: Okay, theres things you need to r...
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(My dad and I having "The Talk") Dad: Sexual satisfaction is an essential part of a good relatio...
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Talking about young adults being irresponsible and stupid. Me: Yeah, not all young adults are as...
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(At home, looking after my mum after an operation.) Mum: Wake up; today you get to give me a sho...
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(In a fancy steak house) Waitress: And how would you like that steak? Dad: Chicken fried
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Mom: I'm not your real mom. You're the daughter of an increadibly cheap bottle of vodka.
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(I'm going to a show of GreenDay's 21st Century Breakdown Tour) Dad: Now if the Rolling Stones t...
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Me: Mooom! Mom: What?! Me: Why isn't there any chocolate in the house? Mom: Because I have fai...
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Dad: Mojitos are like breasts. One's not enough, three's too much and things get weird, but two.....
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Mom: I wish censor bars worked whenever you wanted. Sister: Why? Mom: Your father likes the lig...
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Me:Mom, whats the ham for? Mom: Glow in the dark cement!
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Friend: I don't know what kind of pickles I like. Mom: You should have a pickle tasting party.
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Me: Ugh, I hate this acne! Shouldn't I be finished with it by seventeen? Mom: I hear yeast is g...
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Dad: What are you watching? Me: Some random episodes of an anime. Dad: Looks like that cartoo...
