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I went to see Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows Part 2 last night, and half way through the mo...
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Don't teach your five year old daughter that cash is called "beer coupons." #LFMF
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When aggressively pushing your legs to roll your chair backwords: A. Make sure you are not in f...
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When you get in the shower, remember to take your clothes off. #LFMF
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When being stopped by the police because of a "search for a rapist," "Ok I'll do it" is no accept...
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When trying to convince you parents that you aren't drunk, "I'm 14, how could I even get alcohol!...
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Never take anything from failblog as a challenge. #LFMF
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Walking through walmart carrying an energy drink, a pack of batteries and a box of condoms will g...
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Always remember the ' when texting. It's a big difference between who're and whore. #LFMF
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Dad: Snoring, and then abruptly stops. Mom: Wake yourself up? Dad:(sleeptalking) THE STATUE OF ...
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Dad: It's amazing how different French and Spanish sound. French is so effeminate and Spanish sou...
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(On our way to the YMCA, talking about it) Mom: So what machines are you guys gonna use? Me: Th...
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My grandma on the answering machine: Hi Scott! Hi Mel! Hi Haley! Hi...oh damn, who's the other one?
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(Talking about Judgment Day) Me: Well, a lot of Catholics believe that animals don’t have souls....
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*I trip over a store display* Mom: You're a like a walking ad for birth control.
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(i saw my dad on icanhazcheezburger.com) Me: you're a 47 year old man looking at cat pictures D...
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Me: The popcorn says two and a half minutes, not 2:50. Step-mom: .50 is half of a minute. Duh. ...
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Mom:(I had just come out to her as gay) Okay, that's fine, and I want you to know I still love yo...
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(while driving down a back road) My Dad: Oh look, ducks. Quack quack quack. Shake that ass, duck.
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Mom: So how was school today? Me: Not great, we spent an entire period doing nothing. Mom: Oh, ...
