Sister: Why are you listening to Metal? You will become a satanist! Me(joking): But I am one! S...

Mom: You only need two men in your life: Arnold and Jesus. Me: Arnold is a cat. Mom: AND he's ...

(We were slinging pun-based insults back and forth and I was winning until...) Dad: You should w...

After some dick stole my phone in middle school and had the nerve to call my mom and tell her I l...

(Dad is making repairs at my apartment and I'm helping.) Dad: Here, hold this (puts something in...