Mom/Dad said
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(my aunt had just gotten pregnant, and my 3 year old brothers asked about the baby inside her. I ...
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Me: Mom, is it true that semen whitens teeth? Mom: Honey, if that were true, then my teeth would...
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Me, playing Angry Birds: Dad, have you ever played Angry Birds? Dad: No, but I've seen the movie...
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(In the car, Because of You comes on the radio) Dad: You know this song? Kelly Clarkson wrote it...
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(Mom brings out chocolate pie for dessert to impress the new neighbors) Neighbor Lady: Oh, I'm s...
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Me: Mom, I just bit my fingernail to the quick and it's bleeding and it really hurts! Mom: Well,...
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Dad: Hey! Do you wanna play a game? Lets see who can hit the absolute softest. Me: Uhh, ok sure....
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(Overheard at the theater). Boy: Mum, why do we go so often to theatre? Mother: Because we're ...
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Boyfriend: This suit is hot, it's making me sweat. Mom: At least you're not skeeting. Me, boyfr...
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My niece to her mother at the age of 11: Mom, when am I finally going to start developing? Aunti...
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Mom: Hey, did the power just go out?! Me: ... No. Why? Mom: The computer just shut down while I...
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(I got to much ice in my cup and dumped some of the ice out.) Dad: HEY! Do you know how many ice...
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Dad: The Mother-in-law just died. Shop Assistant: Jesus... Your luck must be in! Dad: Yeah! Giv...
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bullshitting with my dad Me: are you allergic to anything? Dad: (after 2 mins of looking in dee...
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(while watching a preview for Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows part 2) Mom: Who's that bald ...
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(After I told my mom, I'm gay.) Mom: I'll love you, no matter what you did. Even if you killed a...
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*On the way back home from my older brother's graduation* Dad: Now your brother is going to coll...
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Our neighbour's 9-year-old granddaughter: I need to go, Spider-man 2 is on tonight. Dad: Don't y...
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Me: Can I use the wii? Dad: Why, are you asking if you can go to the bathroom? Brother: It's a ...
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(my ex, who my mum was never a fan of, knocks on the front door) *Mum answers* Ex: Can I talk t...
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(after beating my dad at ping-pong for the first time, I begin a celebratory dance) Dad: Great y...
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Mom: What are you doing? Me(sarcastically): Oh, just building a meth lab in the basement. Mom: ...
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Me: Come on, let's hang out! Dad: I don't have to hang out with you, I don't even like you.
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my dad is in love with the movie napoleon dynamite. his favorite part is when uncle rico throws m...
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(watching Wimbledon) Dad: Ooh look! Ron's in the royal box. Mum: (singing) Weasley is our king....
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*mom comes into my room in the middle of the night, drops some socks* Mom: (whispers) It's the l...
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Me:I feel like I'm full of win. Mom:(thinking I said wind)What, you mean like, farts?
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Eli(my brother): Well, mom, looks like you're gonna be a grandma again. Mom: Seriously?! When di...
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*mom and I are watching an episode from the '80s, and there's a group of puppies* Me: Puppies! S...
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Mom and I are watching TV when the phone rings Mom:(looks at me) Lilly, can you get that? Me:Mo...
