I Tried No-Nut November. Here's How It Went.

If you're a guy, November brings a whole list of things it's socially acceptable to stop doing: Nutting, shaving, something else probably...so this month, I decided to take upon myself the burden that usually only men must carry during this month. That's right, I did No-Nut November. Was it easy? No. I'm a fundamentally weak-willed person. But did I transcend to a higher plane of existence and gain previously-unknown knowledge? Also no. Listen, if anyone tries to tell you that not jacking off will make you a more enlightened being, then they are trying to get you to join a cult. So anyway...here's how my experience was as the very first woman to try No-Nut November. You're welcome for the solidarity, men.

01
Let’s get it out of the way…

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First of all...yes, women masturbate. Women watch porn. Let's just get that out of the way right now. And yes...it happens regularly. So if you're thinking "this is barely a challenge! Women don't understand the pain of blue balls!" just...stop thinking that. And have a conversation with an actual vagina-owner.
02
My Goals and Expectations

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To be honest, I didn't think this would be as difficult as it was. Actually, I hoped it might help me be more productive. See, I'm a regular practitioner of "procrasturbating"--the Urban Dictionary term for jacking off to avoid doing work. I figured if I couldn't jack off then I'd be forced to do work.
03
Productivity Results

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Yeah, that turned out not to work at all. As I said, I'm an incredibly weak-willed person. Instead of ringing Satan's doorbell I would just watch YouTube or something instead. Maybe I should be trying No-Phone November.
04
Blue Tubes > Blue Balls

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One thing I learned this month is that blue tubes are a THING. There were in fact times when I felt an almost-painful pressure within me which wanted release. So uhh, men, you can stop crying about the ~unique male pain~ you feel when your date doesn't want to give you a hand job. I have now felt it, and I would describe the discomfort as somewhere between needing to pee and pants that are a little tight.
05
Hacking my Psychology

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Weirdly, I had more of an urge to look at porn than usual. I think my brain's logic was "I can't just get off, so I'll just give myself a little taste by watching other people get off. Then it'll take the edge off my urges." It did work, kind of. Or maybe I just finally mastered Lady GaGa's patented "I can give myself an orgasm with my thoughts" and told myself it didn't count because I didn't really do anything.
06
The Bedroom

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One thing this month did do was give me and my partner a reason to experiment. Specifically, with edging. I mean it's No Nut November, not No Pleasure November! So we figured as long as I didn't finish it didn't count. And it was fun to let my partner be in control of whether I could finish or not.
07
Did I Break?

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Yeah, of course I broke. I'm only human, and in case I still haven't made it clear, I'm a human with literally zero self control. I had a few Ménages à moi. I couldn't help myself, okay? But it really was only 3 or 4, which is a heck of a lot less than usual. And, uhh, I won't pretend it wasn't extra stimulating when I knew I wasn't supposed to be doing it.
08
Conclusions

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Okay, I didn't gain the magical powers I was promised by those people who wanted me to join a cult. But I did get a little better at hands-free stimulation, gained a new bedroom skill, and found some new NSFW subreddits to look at. I would say these are all things you could do without no-nutting, but I'm still proud that I took this leap for womankind. You're welcome, all, for my courageous, intrepid dip into this yearly masculine ritual.

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