18-year-old sibling set a firm boundary by shutting down relatives after refusing to be her younger brother’s second mom: 'They decided to have a baby, so they should take care of him'

Growing up as the oldest sibling is hard work, especially when you're suddenly expected to be a part-time nanny. As the oldest kid, a lot of times you're the built-in babysitter, the emergency diaper-changer, the human jungle gym, and the one expected to hand over your favorite toys without complaint. Of course there's the classic argument that it builds responsibility, and yeah, maybe your younger sibling will grow up to be your best friend someday. But sometimes, parents (and supposedly, the extended family too) start pushing the limits of free labor just a little too far.

Luckily for this 18-year-old, she had her mom to back her up. In front of her entire disapproving family, she drew a firm boundary after being asked (yet again, we might add) to care for someone else's kid at a family gathering. What started as her declining to wipe her toddler cousin's nose, because ew, spiraled into a family debate about whether she's obligated to be her future baby brother's second mom. 

Author image for Isabella Penn Isabella Penn
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  • And spoiler, the answer is no. 

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    via Daiga Ellaby For Unsplash+

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  • "AITAH for refusing to wipe my cousin’s nose and telling my family I won’t be my baby brother’s second mom?"

    I (18F) was at a family gathering with my pregnant mom when my aunt asked me to sit next to her almost 2-year-old son to keep him from falling off the couch. His nose was stuffed, and my grandma asked me to wipe it, but I politely refused because I
    via LeNO_7z
  • get grossed out by it. She understood and asked his aunt (my uncle's wife) instead. However, I think my uncle's wife didn't hear the conversation because she then asked me to do it, saying he's my cousin. I
    via LeNO_7z
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  • again refused, explaining that I don't even do that for my siblings. She seemed taken aback and said that once my mom gives birth, I'll be the one taking care of the baby—wiping his nose and even changing his diapers.
    via LeNO_7z

  • For the sake of the baby whose nose she's refusing to wipe, let's hope his mom doesn't end up having any more kids.

  • I told her I would never do that. I had already discussed it with my mom, and she was fine with me helping in other ways, but I wouldn't change diapers or hold the baby for the first eight months since I'm uncomfortable handling newborns. I even told
    via LeNO_7z
  • my mom I'd help with anything else, just not those things. She was okay with it, saying I should focus on my studies since I'll be starting college in September. But the whole room turned against me, saying I should.
    via LeNO_7z
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  • "behave" and that I must help my mom. I got mad and said, They decided to have a baby, so they should take care of him. Just because I'm the oldest doesn't mean I have to raise their child and put my life on hold.
    via LeNO_7z
  • Cheezburger Image 10489497600
    via Kevin Gent For Unsplash+

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Finally, my mom and another woman stepped in. The woman said I was right—my parents chose to have a baby, so I shouldn't be forced to take responsibility. My mom also defended me, pointing out that I already help a lot, like cooking
    via LeNO_7z
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  • for the family without ever complaining. So, AITAH for refusing to wipe my cousin's nose and saying I won't change my baby brother's diapers?
    via LeNO_7z
  • avid-learner-bot NTA. Your family ought to respect your personal boundaries and not pressure you into handling a toddler's snot or changing diapers when it makes you uncomfortable. It's
    via LeNO_7z
  • perfectly fine to help out with meals and other household tasks while still maintaining those limits. Mom was wise in supporting your decision, recognizing that having a clear head for school and life is more important than babysitting cousins on occasion. So yes, you're absolutely within your rights to set this boundary
    via LeNO_7z
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  • CheezersTheCat NTA and good for your mom having your back,... rest of your Fam-leeee should be avoided when it comes to parenting issues... give it 5 years and you'll be getting the "getting too old to have kids" line from them...
    via s
  • ineedacoffeenow No. But go mom!!!!
    via s
  • Fortune TellingBoobs NTA and your mom is great, too. Everyone else s ks. You are not a built in babysitter.
    via s
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  • Level_Dog_6566 You're not the parent, end of discussion. If your family wanted a free nanny, they should've hired one instead of assuming you'd step up. It's not your job to be a second mom just because you're the oldest. You set boundaries, and your mom is fine with them—everyone else can deal.
    via s
  • Fionadarkk Nah, ur family's trippin'. U ain't a free daycare. They decided to have a kid, they deal with the snot.
    via s
  • 4legsbetterthan2 I'll ask one question OP Do you think ANY of that would have been expected of you if you were male instead of female? NTA in the slightest
    via s
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