Is your income as bloated as you feel after giving birth? Do you love having superfluous baby items all over your house? Then you might be the single demographic for these items!
Why pay attention to your body when technology can do that for you? The Kickbee is a device that "an expectant mom wears...around her belly. When the vibration sensors detect the baby kicking, the device can send a tweet. It's meant to be a way to keep the mom's partner, family and friends involved and up to date when they can't be physically near. Cute in theory, Twitter trolling in practice," according to parenting.com.
In case your baby either just isn't pretty enough or while you're still waiting to see if the little girl (or guy!) grows into that immense fivehead, you can cover his or her face up with Baby Bangs!
Aston Martin Stroller
For the small price of $3,000, you can get this baby stroller by Aston Martin and be a sadder version of James Bond. According to the NY Daily News, "the aluminum alloy wheels are based on the $1.8 million Aston Martin One-77, the leather is an exact match to that used in the cars, and its air-ride suspension 'guarantees a smooth ride for all.'"
In case your real baby is too lifelike for comfort, here's a good and creepy alternative: the portrait doll from OriginalArtistDolls, made to look like the real, living baby you're ignoring to order one of these.
Let's face it: while they can be kind of cute sometimes, babies are pretty useless. Teach your baby the value of hard work and put him or her to good use with the Baby Mop outfit! Buy this at www.betterthanpants.com. Please buy it. I like this one.
In case you're ready to start gendering your baby before they can even walk, these cute, soft baby heels from Heelarious are a great option.
Handmade Tree Branch Bookshelf
This item is actually quite lovely: it's handmade by Etsy seller ChadPHuntFineArt, but babies make a lot of mess, and you could probably find a less expensive place to store your little guy when you're not using him.
Fetus in a Jar Necklace
Here's a really weird one. This is a (fake) fetus in a jar that you can sport around your neck to make everyone profoundly uncomfortable. Etsy seller SweetObsolete writes that this item, made from polymer, glass, and clay, is "a very interesting and unique piece for sure!"
Remember when Beanie Babies were a thing? If it's important to you that your child experience this 90s fad that died unceremoniously, you can drop 100k on Valentino, one of the most sought-after Beanie Babies.
You don't need to get to know the intimacies and nuances of your growing baby's voice and cries. Let the WhyCry do the communicating for you! This product analyzes the intensity, impact, and interval of your baby's cries to help you make that awful wailing stop.
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