God: you’re a cuttlefish.— NewDadNotes (@NewDadNotes) April 17, 2019
Cuttlefish: yay I love hugs.
God: that’s not what I meant.
God: you have 8 arms and 2 tentacles.
Cuttlefish: for hugs?
God: [sigh] no not for hugs.
God: also you’re venomous.
Cuttlefish: [happy gasp] danger hugs!
God: letting you name each other’s breeds was brilliant on my part.— NewDadNotes (@NewDadNotes) April 23, 2019
Cat: for the dogs I got Great Dane, Saint Bernard, and Golden Retriever : )
God: nice! your turn Dog!
Cat: I’m so excited!
Dog: look I didn’t know we were being serious.
God: I need you to cross the road.— NewDadNotes (@NewDadNotes) May 1, 2019
Chicken: what road?
God: any road.
God: to get to the other side lol.
Chicken: I-I don’t get it.
God: you aren’t doing it for us.
Chicken: who then?
God: the kids.
Chicken: the kids?
God: the kids. they’re gonna love it.
God: you’re a hippopotamus.— NewDadNotes (@NewDadNotes) May 1, 2019
Hippo: what does that mean?
God: it literally means river horse.
Hippo: so I gotta let humans ride around on my back?
God: haha goodness no, that would be demeaning.
God: uh you guys weren’t supposed to hear that.
God: you’re a rodent.— NewDadNotes (@NewDadNotes) April 29, 2019
Hamster: like a mouse or a rat?
God: yes but way cuter.
God: and humans love you.
God: and you love cardio.
Hamster: wait-you mean running?
Hamster: I strongly disagree with the life choices you’ve made for me.
God: you’re a stingray.— NewDadNotes (@NewDadNotes) April 27, 2019
Stingray: what does that mean?
God: it means you have a stinger.
Stingray: like a bee?
Stingray: I’m a waterbee?
God: no that’s not what I mea-
Stingray: buzz buzz bubble bubble : )
Kiwi: so I’m a bird but I can’t fly?— NewDadNotes (@NewDadNotes) April 24, 2019
God: true but you can do something other birds CAN’T.
Kiwi: really what’s that?
God: you can smell through your beak so good!
Kiwi: wanna know what I smell right now?
Kiwi: I smell bullsh-
Goldfish: hi.— NewDadNotes (@NewDadNotes) April 22, 2019
God: we’ve met.
Goldfish: we did?
God: you have a bad memory.
Goldfish: who does?
God: you do.
Goldfish: I do what?
God: you have a bad-actually forget it.
Goldfish: ok : )