This guy on twitter is usually telling funny dad jokes but lately he's into imagining fictional converations between god and the different animals on the planet. So funny and true. Visit his twitter page for more.
God: you’re a cuttlefish.— NewDadNotes (@NewDadNotes) April 17, 2019
Cuttlefish: yay I love hugs.
God: that’s not what I meant.
God: you have 8 arms and 2 tentacles.
Cuttlefish: for hugs?
God: [sigh] no not for hugs.
God: also you’re venomous.
Cuttlefish: [happy gasp] danger hugs!
2There was a problem rendering this video - it may have been deleted.
God: letting you name each other’s breeds was brilliant on my part.— NewDadNotes (@NewDadNotes) April 23, 2019
Cat: for the dogs I got Great Dane, Saint Bernard, and Golden Retriever : )
God: nice! your turn Dog!
Cat: I’m so excited!
Dog: look I didn’t know we were being serious.
God: I need you to cross the road.— NewDadNotes (@NewDadNotes) May 1, 2019
Chicken: what road?
God: any road.
God: to get to the other side lol.
Chicken: I-I don’t get it.
God: you aren’t doing it for us.
Chicken: who then?
God: the kids.
Chicken: the kids?
God: the kids. they’re gonna love it.
God: you’re a hippopotamus.— NewDadNotes (@NewDadNotes) May 1, 2019
Hippo: what does that mean?
God: it literally means river horse.
Hippo: so I gotta let humans ride around on my back?
God: haha goodness no, that would be demeaning.
God: uh you guys weren’t supposed to hear that.
God: you’re a rodent.— NewDadNotes (@NewDadNotes) April 29, 2019
Hamster: like a mouse or a rat?
God: yes but way cuter.
God: and humans love you.
God: and you love cardio.
Hamster: wait-you mean running?
Hamster: I strongly disagree with the life choices you’ve made for me.
God: you’re a stingray.— NewDadNotes (@NewDadNotes) April 27, 2019
Stingray: what does that mean?
God: it means you have a stinger.
Stingray: like a bee?
Stingray: I’m a waterbee?
God: no that’s not what I mea-
Stingray: buzz buzz bubble bubble : )
8There was a problem rendering this video - it may have been deleted.
Kiwi: so I’m a bird but I can’t fly?— NewDadNotes (@NewDadNotes) April 24, 2019
God: true but you can do something other birds CAN’T.
Kiwi: really what’s that?
God: you can smell through your beak so good!
Kiwi: wanna know what I smell right now?
Kiwi: I smell bullsh-
Goldfish: hi.— NewDadNotes (@NewDadNotes) April 22, 2019
God: we’ve met.
Goldfish: we did?
God: you have a bad memory.
Goldfish: who does?
God: you do.
Goldfish: I do what?
God: you have a bad-actually forget it.
Goldfish: ok : )
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