FiveStarBrian's Favorites

I JUST CAN'T BELIEV3... ...That Twitter name was already taken...

I JUST CAN'T BELIEVE... ...Some people think Rhode Island is in New York...

I JUST CAN'T BELIEVE... ...People actually pay money for a decaf espresso...

I JUST CAN'T BELIEVE... ...They don't have Miller Lite on tap at Applebees...

I JUST CAN'T BELIEVE... ...I lit the wrong end of my last cigarette...

I JUST CAN'T BELIEVE... ...I put salt on my doughboy...

I JUST CAN'T BELIEVE... ...How poorly I sang "We Didn't Start The Fire" last night at Karaoke...

I JUST CAN'T BELIEVE... ...It's $8.00 for a beer at Fenway...

Who's Air Bud?

Jerry,Jerry...

Don't like getting stitches? Well, suture self!

How many Sandusky victims does it take to screw in a lightbulb...? ...Joe Paterno wouldn't say...

My waitress at Hooters was named Bruce... ...I don't know how I feel about her handling my meat...That's not why I....came?

My ass... ...Would make a hell of a mustache...

If I were a cat... ...I would know what to do...

Nothing better than butt on butter... ...Also, I forgot to buy milk...

Why did Casey Anthony cross the road? ...To hide the body...

I just can't believe... ...Miley Cyrus is engaged...

I just can't believe... ...Wendy's isn't open 24 hours a day...

I just can't believe... ...how lousy my Android battery is...

Animal Gifs: UUUUNNNNGGGGHHHHHHH!

Bob demonstrates safe running as he signals for a left turn.

Worry less about things and more about stuff...

Generally, I hump...all day, drink mad beers... ...and then I don't recycle... #winning

I just can't believe... how at late night PEOPLE ARE LIGHTING FIREWORKS!

Why won't you put the AC on? ...I don't even carrots soo damn hot out there...

Her profile says "in a relationship..." ...but she "poked" me...WTF DO I DO?

I just can't believe... ...they actually traded Youkilis...

I just can't believe... ...I actually enjoyed that soccer game...

I just can't believe... ...the liquor store is already closed...

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