TooManyCats

Parents/LFMF

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Dad: Your mom has been feeling kinda old lately. Can you take her out, and show her a good time? ...

Correct: How long has it been since you ran the wet-vac in our flooding basement? Incorrect: How ...
Never assume that teenagers on cell phones are the worst in a movie theater. Next time some 50-so...

After dental work requiring novocaine, listen to you dentist when she says not to eat anything un...
When you wake up at 5AM, look carefully at the medicines you take. Sleeping pills can look like R...

-Mum sent me a blank text while i was out- Me: Mum? Why did you send me a blank text earlier? M...

Mom: Do you think your father would take you to the chiropractor three days a week? Me: Do you w...

(After I was being a coward to go talk to some strangers): Dad: Haha! Quack ! Quack! Quack! Me...
Me, playing Angry Birds: Dad, have you ever played Angry Birds? Dad: No, but I've seen the movie...

Me: What would you do if I was kidnapped? Mom: I'd wait. After an hour they'd bring you back bec...
Me: Mom, what would you say if I told you I was pregnant? Mom: I'd ask how you managed to get a ...

Dad (to his mother): Don't worry, Mom. If you ever have a stroke and are going to be a vegetable,...
Mom: "Don't cry...... on that pillow. Use your hands." Me: "Thanks for the support mom." Mom: "...

Mom: Get sexy, we're going to Target.
Mom: Why would your cousin wear a strapless wedding dress when she has "69" tattooed on her chest...

Mom: Cats aren't pregnant that long, but I don't think they are mammals
Me: Hey, mom, I was thinking... Mom: Stop doing that.

Me: Mom, what is your new medication for? Mom: It's an anti-psychotic. Me: Did you just take it...
*while cracking eggs* Mom: "It's gonna be okay, little yolk. I'm sorry you didn't become a chick...

(At a mexican restaurant) Dad: I've never really cared for fried ice cream. Mom: Oh God I'll t...
Mom: All though mom doesn't stand for Made of Money, or My own maid. Dad does stand for dumb as d...

Mum (whilst looking in the mirror): Hey Honey, do you think I could make any money as a hooker? ...
Me (to brother): You're so handsome and smart! Brother: Stop it! Mom, make her stop! Mom: Stop ...

Me: Where's Mum? Dad: She's out with gay James Girlfriend: He's GAY? Sister: Hey don't judge h...
Dad: LIKE A CHEESE STICK!! Me: Dad, it's like a G6...