als996's Favorites

Patience doesn't seem to be working.....

Lord, for what I am about to receive, I humbly thank You...

Please don't eat me. I gots a fambily. I have 13 girlfriends, and 3,502 kids. On second thought.. eat me, please - eat me!

If I didn't have a vet appointment today, I'd probably mention that guy jacking the car.

JAMMED DOOR

Kitteh rule #231

Ohhh! Fast Food... Maybe too fast.

HYPER INFLATION

Cheney stole the door knobs!

TROPHY WIFE 2.0

Ladies and Gentlemen, Here we have what is called a classic retard. Not even smart enough to know no one will go to a friggen website with the word

No sir, there is nothing to see here. Move along

Finding a Liver on the black market

PUT.

ABRAHAM LINCOLN When brains, courage, strength of character, and love of country was more important than spin doctors, questionable ethics and love of the all mighty dollar. He would never be elected today.

I know Jimmy's in the well... he didn't "fall"...

Breaking News - Disney Merges With Marvel Comics: Takeover Begins

This is how you know Armies are run by men

STRESS

Priorities of U.S. Soldiers 5. Keeping Peace 4. Finding terrorists 3. Saving buddies 2. Serving country 1. KITTENS!

Take ten paces, turn and fire...

learn to land somewhere else

Wait, wait, I'm sorry.

Yes I saw the hole but the GPS said to drive straight!

You never want to be the first one to stop smiling.

"Rudy Giuliani. There's only three things he mentions in a sentence -- a noun, a verb, and 9/11." Joe Biden

Tell me again why guys who hit a ball for a living are complaining about only getting $5,000,000 a year

I hope you realize that by making me wear this clown suit you have totally destroyed my reputation.

Fake.

In Soviet Russia... ...job hunt you.

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