llama22

Me: Mom, do you want to watch the Office with me? Mom: No. Me: Please? Mom: Shut the hell up o...

(My dad was telling me this story about some bad sushi that made him sick) Me: Maybe the fish wa...

(My house suddenly had so many flies my mom was going around with the fly swatter killing a lot.)...

Dad: I think we ought to boil baby tortles for dinner. Me: DAD! Dad: No, seriously. Me: Boili...

Brother, at breakfast: I don't feel that great, can I stay home today? Dad: Quick, when is your ...

(Watching television with my mother, there's something about penguins.) Mum: Aww they're so cute...

Me: What was that noise upstairs? Dad: that was me and your mom having sex.

(I pour myself a cup of soda and it fizzes and overflows) Mom: If you just put your face down th...

(Grandma whispering to me to keep something hidden from my mom.) Mom: What are you mumbling abou...

(My mom found her 5 hour energy in the fridge) Mom: Ah there are my drugs

Me: Mom, I may be getting a job where I will be away all week. Mom: OK Me: Mom, I'll only be h...

Mom: (Walking downstairs to where I am) What is that noise?? Me: Oh, dad's in the laundry room, ...

(Dad singing along to Katy Perry's "Hot and Cold"): IF YOU'RE NOT HOT YOU GET SOLD!

(Me and mum were just sitting quietly in the family room when all of a sudden she farts really lo...

(Mom upon opening her package of syringes she ordered for nursing purposes) Mom: Sweet, they got...

(Dad discussing if table center piece at the Japanese restaurant was edible or not.) Dad: At fir...

(My dad questioning my sister's date to a Halloween dance) Dad: You ever smoke pot? Date: Yes s...

(Me and mom making dinner, brother's ferret starts running around our feet): Mom: Put him in the...