lostandfound1

Dad: How old are you again? Me: How do you not know how old I am? Dad: Well, it changes every y...

Me: Why do you have a pack of soda crackers in your truck? Dad: I'LL NEVER TELL!!!!

Me: What are your false teeth doing in the kitchen? Dad: Minding their own business which is mor...

(After grabbing a beer) Dad stops in the middle of the room, kicks forward, then back, spins arou...

Brother: Hey Dad, when you die you can play guitar with Jimi Hendrix... Mum: and Jesus Dad: Don...

(One time when my mom was angry with me) Mom: I brought you into this world, and I'll take you o...

Mom: Are you in the shower? Me: Yeah. Mom: Oh, are you taking a shower?

Mom: We were only required to learn the first 100 presidents in high school. All I remember was G...

Dad: Have a good time,and remember never get into a car with strangers unless they offer you cand...

Me: Dad, can you make me a Root Beer Float? Dad: My god, what's wrong with you? First I had to g...

(Driving home one night on a mostly cloudy evening) Mom: Look how dark that cloud is! Me: That'...

Dad: "You know something ... toast is almost the same as bread."

Mum: Can I get you anything? I went shopping today so there's plenty in the house. Me: I'll have...

(Dad watching Courtney Love on TV): "Damn! If I was her husband I'd kill myself..."

Mom: When they ask at the grocery store if I want help getting my bags to the car, I always say n...

Sister to Grandfather: You're Fat! Grandfather: I'm 75, I've earned the right to be fat.