We're starting off light here (after all, we've still got 11 days to ago after this one). The most popular kind of pear-based drink is a pear margarita, but let's face it: as awesome as margarita's are, they're more a summer drink.
"... Two Turtle Doves..."
- 3/4 oz. Amaretto almond liqueur
- 3/4 oz. white creme de cacao
- 2 cups ice cream
- Add as much chocolate syrup as you damn well please
- 1.5 oz. whipped cream
The White Dove is similar to the White Russian, except it has ice cream and chocolate syrup. It's basically what would happen if a White Russian made sweet love to an ice cream sundae. Seriously.
"... Three French Hens..."
- 1 oz. Bailey's Irish cream
- 1 oz. Kahlua coffee liqueur
- 1 oz. Chambord raspberry liqueur
What? Irish cream in a French drink?
France and Ireland are united in their displeasure with anything British. Even those French Hens think fish and chips are très dégueulasse ("hella disgusting, yo").
All-Irish Black and Tan
"... Four Colly Birds..."
"Colly Bird" is just a fancy term for a Common Blackbird, so we're going with something dark: the All-Irish Black and Tan. All you need is:
- Equal parts Guinness beer (the black) and Bailey's Irish Cream (the tan).
Seriously, that's it! Just be sure to drink it quickly after mixing, because the Bailey's will start curdling quickly after it's exposed to the beer.
"... Five Golden Rings!"
- 1/4 oz. honey liqueur
- 2/3 oz. Goldschläger cinnamon schnapps
- 1/5 oz. vanilla schnapps
What better drink to celebrate the most golden day of Christmas than Goldschläger? Just drinking schnapps with real flakes of gold in it makes you feel like a million bucks (even if a bottle costs less than 30 bucks). And if you're squicked out by the fact that you're drinking gold, just remember: at any given time, your body has enough iron in it to make a 3-inch nail. Science!
Ginger Snap Eggnog
"... Six Geese-a-Laying..."
- 3/4 oz. spiced rum
- 1/2 oz. ginger brandy
- 4 oz. eggnog
- 1 crumbled ginger snap... or 2 (It'll be our secret)
6 geese-a-laying. Geese lays eggs. Eggnog is basically liquid Christmas. That was easy!
"... Seven Swans-a-Swimming..."
- 1.5 oz. Arakú rum and coffee liqueur
- 1.5 oz. Coole Swan Dairy liqueur
- 1/2 oz. Absinthe on the top
No, not the crazy Natalie Portman Black Swan... okay, maybe a little bit crazy (the mixture calls for Absinthe, after all...).
"... Eight Maids-a-Milking...
- 3 oz Bailey's Irish cream
- 2 1/2 scoops vanilla ice cream
- 1/2 oz. heavy cream
- 1 splash milk
So much milk and cream! Lactose intolerant folks need not apply. Peppermint flakes optional.
"... Nine Ladies Dancing..."
- 1/4 oz. Passoa liqueur
- 1/2 oz. vodka
- 1 oz. cranberry juice
- 1/4 oz. Cointreau orange liqueur
- 1 splash lime juice
On the ninth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, 9 ladies dancing. 9 ladies dancing. Wild Cosmos. Do I really need to explain this one? The Wild Cosmo combines the two girliest drinks in the known universe: the Cosmopolitan and the vodka cranberry.
It's okay, dudes. You'll like the next one.
"... Ten Lords-a-Leaping..."
- 2 oz. Kahlua coffee liqueur
- 1 oz. chocolate liqueur
- 1 oz. butterscotch schnapps
- 4 oz. espresso
- 1 oz. milk
That's right, a caffeine martini. That'll be sure to get those lords-a-leaping.
What's the best stocking stuffer you can get? That's right: a Terry's Chocolate Orange. Light citrus, rich chocolate, and dat thwack. How do you improve that little delicious orb of delight? By adding alcohol, of course! To top it all off (while keeping with the theme), we add the piper's pipe: a Pirouette wafer.
Peppermint Chocolate Martini
"... Twelve Drummers Drumming..."
- Dip glass in crushed peppermint candies
- Swirl chocolate sauce around the glass base
- 2 oz. Godiva chocolate liqueur
- 1.5 oz. Stolichnaya vanilla vodka
- Crushed ice
- White chocolate shavings
- Candy cane (drummer's drumstick) garnish
And there you have it. We finish strong with one of the most quintessential Christmas cocktails there is. If you hold it in the right light, you can see the peppermint candies sparkle like the dreams of little children... or something.