Tumblr Teaches History Better Than Any Professor Ever Did

"Those who don't know history are doomed to repeat it. And those who do know history can laugh at those who made it."

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  • 01

    History is full of hilarious events that weren't fortunate enough to occur in the time of cameras and video recorders.

    Text - f kitfireeverything: samandriel: nerdishh: neraiutsuze: theprettygoodgatsby: pausequoi: samandriel if you don't think history is amusing then you're wrong because one time 3 different guys declared themselves pope all at once and they all excommunicated each other and it was basically the funniest sit ever what about that time the Lichtenstein army sent 80 men to Italy to fight and came back with 81 what about the time that the prussian emperor kidnapped tall people because he really want
    via some-hilarious-history
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  • 02

    Since the dawn of time, people have been doing hella dumb s**t.

    Text - spn-fandom-breathing-heavily archivesofgallifrey: carry-on-my-wayward-butt: willgrahamps: wait if eve ate the apple then why the fk is it called an adam's apple WHOA because she ate the apple, and then convinced adam to eat the apple as well so that she wouldn't be alone, but the piece he bit off got stuck in his throat. It got stuck because at the exact moment he was swallowing, God jumped out from behind a bush like "WHAT THE F KDO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?!"
    via overanalyzingtelevision
  • 03

    Although there's nothing dumb about the name of this soap.

    Product - kalikardashian thelilnan: OKAY AJAX SOAP ATAX THEIR SLOGAN IS "STRONGER THAN GREASE" AND I WAS LIKE OKAY YEAH MAKES SENSE FOR A DISH SOAP- WAIT AJAX WAS A GREEK SOLDIER RENOWNED FOR HIS STRENGTH AJAX IS STRONGER THAN ALL OF GREECE someone who worked at ajax has literally waited 66 years for you to get this
    via we-have-history
  • 04

    Alexander the Great was pretty dumb when it came to naming cities, though.

    Text - alexander the great: ah yes, a beautiful and suitable location for a new city alexander: hmm alexander: what should i call it alexander: oh alexander: i know a good name alexander: how about alexandria alexander: ah yes i think i shall conquer this city too alexander: what should i name it though alexander: i know alexander: alexandria alexander: three more cities. i'm running out of name ideas alexander: alexandria random dude: hey don't you think you should name places something other t
    via we-have-history
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  • 05

    Romans had trouble telling their kids apart.

    Text - photosynthesexual: running-hunting-deducing: sherdoor: smallnico: if you were a twin in ancient rome they would name the firstborn and then name the secondborn after the firstborn except if your older twin's name was geminus, your name would be anti-geminus that is the equivalent of naming your children steve and not steve #those wacky Romans so what happened when triplets were born Steve, Not Steve, Definitely Not Steve. (via asdfghjkl-its-michelle)
    via skeleton-trees
  • 06

    But they got the month names right.

    Text - paulyoptosaurus: pinkisthenewscarlet: -spooky-like-fedex: skellagirl: parallelsea: October остоber it's the 8th month T cracked the code October is the 10th month though It was originally the 8th month but then Julius fking Caesar decided to add in July and August after himself and his nephew Augustus we should totally just stab caesar calm down there brutus
    via spongyspice
  • 07

    The birth of the Byzantine empire in a nutshell.

    Text - 17yr 17yr how was the roman empire cut in half with a pair of ceasars
    via we-have-history
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  • 08

    Makes sense.

    Cheezburger Image 8465580288
    via we-have-history
  • 09

    Unlike traditional marriage, which makes no sense.

    Text - timeywimeyteapot: elizabitchtaylor: Yes, I support traditional marriage. A union between one middle-aged man and a 13-year-old girl for a dowry of eighteen cows whoa there we agreed on 20 and 2 chickens
    via we-have-history
  • 10

    He'd be incensed.

    Text - lordcullen: when the king brags about his beautiful wife at dinner and you heard in confession which knight she's sleeping with
    via beinggigantic
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  • 11

    To get rid of the smell of burning bodies, burn incense.

    Text - o-dawgtheinvincible: sigmarikz certaflyably thirstingaintdead: Top 3 phrases that'll create sexual tension 1. "Make me" 2. "oh really" 3. "is that so" "prove it" "what's in it for me?" "The Black Death was one of the most devastating pandemics in human history resulting in the deaths of an estimated 75 to 200 million people and peaking in Europe in the years 1348-50 CE."
    via we-have-history
  • 12

    The Black Death generally just sucked for everyone.

    Text - scottish thewriters-blog: If you ever feel like you've screwed up, just remember that in 1348 the Scots thought it would be a good idea to invade England because the English were weakened by the Plague. They subsequently caught the plague themselves, went back to Scotland, and killed half their own population. Mistake
    via squiggleqcurly
  • 13

    "Millennials are the most spoiled generation ever." Riiight...

    Cheezburger Image 8465563648
    via becca-morley
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  • 14

    Mine, all mine.

    Text - partybarackisinthehousetonight "christopher columbus arrives in america "lol first" he writes in the sand
    via becca-morley
  • 15

    Michelangelo was a master troll.

    Text - bucrezialoveshercesare friendly-giant-mushroom castielyousonofabitch pOstmodernismruinedme vardaesque uww.swaliourney: whar-rabbit-hale "some historians think that michelangelo was drawing god in a human brain. very few people knew what one looked like at the time; but michelangelo had dissected cadavers and would have known. it even has the hint of a brain stem. f true this would have been a great "fk you to the pope whom he was not friendly with but also would have meant god was in a hu
    via twogirlsonemajor
  • 16

    And basically bamboozled everybody.

    Text - and then thirty years later they called michelangelo back to paint the wall behind the altar and he wasted no time in painting the gates of hell behind the pope's chair what a badass It amuses me to this day how much Michelangelo hated his job He was like the Renaissance Robert Pattinson "Renaissance Robert Pattinson" (via we-have-history)
    via twogirlsonemajor
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  • 17

    Isaac Newton's hair just bamboozled the laws of physics.

    Hair - vriskanon: kawaiipeculier: sometimes i feel sad then i remember issac newtons hair he may have discovered gravity but that luxurious flowing mane sure hasnt damn son Source: kawaipeculier
    via kawaiipeculier
  • 18

    "Cowards die many times before their deaths; The valiant never taste of death but once. Except Oliver Cromwell, what a scrub." -- William Shakespeare

    Text - Never forget that the English government exhumed Oliver Cromwell three years after his death so they could put him on trial for treason and then execute his corpse
    via schrodingersgat
  • 19

    The flag of the United Kingdom makes a bit of sense.

    Text - + St. Andrew's Cross (Scotland) St. George's Cross (England) Flag of Great Britain St. Patrick's Cross (Ireland) Union Flag of United Kingdom shadowsbestforgotten: dragonsigma: angrynerdyblogger: huelebicho allons-y-to221b: JUST IN CASE THERE WAS ANY CONFUSION
    via we-have-history
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  • 20

    As does the colonial reaction to sugar taxes.

    Text - margaretthemagicdragon: and my U.S. History teacher was trying to get us to understand why it was such a big deal that England had put a tax on colonial sugar, and he goes, "What if you had to pay a tax every time you logged onto wifi?" And the whole class just went SNL fomAZoN and I heard at least two people whisper "I would murder someone" I will keep reblogging this in the name of historical science
    via arialenelove
  • 21

    If you ever feel dumb...

    Text - scienceing: if you ever think that you've made a big mistake, just remember that in 1788 the Austrian army attacked itself and lost 10,000 men
    via becca-morley
  • 22

    Adolph Sax had a rough life.

    Cheezburger Image 8465587712
    via we-have-history
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  • 23

    Abraham Lincoln had a rough death.

    Text - hannibalthecanibal: caseyanthonyofficial: kim-jong-healthy: caseyanthonyofficial: Of course Lincoln got shot he was 6'4" and wearing a top hat in a theater if I was sitting behind him l'd shoot him too Too soon It happened like 28 years ago thats plenty of time
    via becca-morley
  • 24

    Heyo!

    Text - notoffended: davidstrider davidstrider which american president was least guilty lincoln WE TRUST IN GOD LIBERTY 2010 he was in a cent I told this joke at Mouth Rushmore and the park ranger hit me
    via we-have-history
  • 25

    The moer u kno.

    Text - bombing: the 1700s called...hey want their clothing back. haha just kidding the first telephone was invented in 1876 good post AND i learned something. thanks tumbrl a
    via officialunitedstates
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  • 26

    That or "Refutin'."

    Text - caplaporte When Rasputin disagreed with people did they call him Disputin'?
    via oxfordcommas-and-teacups
  • 27

    Historical events are bit like dominos falling over.

    Text - FRIEND ASKS YOU FOR A BRIEFRUN-DOWN OF THE CAUSES OF THE FIRST WORLD WAR nlicg WELL IN 1914...SEE IN 1908. WAIT, IN 1882...HOLD OM, IN 1867.NO BUT FIRST,BACKIN1815 ACTUALLY, LETS START WITH NAPOLEON fyeahhistorymajorheraldicbeast: WHERE DOES ONE BEGIN? By fyeahancientrome
    via we-have-history
  • 28

    This solution was bloody brilliant.

    Text - fuckyeahaimeenicole: |thatfableprincess: ohmygil: | formaldejekyll: |Yesterday I learned that tampons were not originally created for~feminine hygiene but for plugging up bullet wounds for ww1 and the nurses started using them and were Iike actually this is p effective and |voila tampons thanks WW1 so what you're saying is that tampon commercials | should be shot like war films Yes |Are you saying that periods are equivalent to bullet wounds Ifbullet wounds popped up every month screaming
    via giraffepoliceforce
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  • 29

    'Mean Girls' was based off the American presidency.

    Text - gettysburgaddress: gettinwhiggywithit: gettysburgaddress: One term for you, John Adams, and one for you, James Polk. Two for you, George Washington, and two for Teddy Roosevelt. FOUR TERMS FOR YOU, FDR YOU GO, FDR And none for Henry Clay, bye. You people always have to fucking bring that up I'm sorry Mr. Clay
    via we-have-history
  • 30

    Uh oh.

    Text - jenna-lousie yurstrulyceleste: on a scale of one to invade russia in the winter how bad is your idea kicking hitler out of art school
    via we-have-history
  • 31

    He definitely wouldn't have been kicked out of fashion school.

    Photograph - If you don't think history is amusing, you clearly haven't seen Adolf Hitler in shorts pure-blood-idjit-of-gallifrey: castiel-is-a-assbutt: Zis if from mein spring collection
    via becca-morley
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  • 32

    Full credit.

    Text - ericandy: during a history exam once one of the questions was "How was Stalin buying time from Hitler to prevent him attacking the Soviet Union?" or something and I wrote "he was stallin" halfway through grading them the next day my teacher started laughing really quietly and she had to eject herself from the classroom for five minutes she marked it as correct Source: kanrose
    via kanrose
  • 33

    World War II: Atomic Boogaloo

    Text - drilltowardstheheavens: donkeykongcountry2: i love that world war 2 is called world war 2 it sounds like the sequel to an action movie "WORLD WAR 2... GERMANY'S BACK, AND THIS TIME... IT'S PERSONAL" this has a great deal of accuracy though
    via oxfordcommas-and-teacups
  • 34

    Well, you're not wrong, I guess...

    Text - thisusernameisunclaimed: If Germany was "the fatherland" and Russia was "the Motherland," does that make WWII domestic violence?
    via we-have-history
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  • 35

    Gurl, you fine as hell!

    Photograph - brigwife: skullinski: this girl has some hella fine legs right? right? RIGHT? RIGHT? WRONG it's albert einstein this may become my favourite thing
    via becca-morley
  • 36

    Better than the Black Death, at least.

    Cheezburger Image 8465594368
    via prokopetz
  • 37

    I'm trying to think of a better pun, but I cong't think of any.

    Text - sealcat: sealcat: And if we have to force all surrounding nations into adopting communism to make this union work, then so vi et so I see the 0 notes and realize my russian pun didn't go over well.. next time 'l try tsarcasm O
    via we-have-history
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  • 38

    Slightly more than a trillion.

    Text - psychoticmist if you ever feel bad about yourself remember that george bush was once informed that 4 brazilian people were killed in iraq and he responded how many is a brazilian (via thelazystrippers)
    via sugard3vil
  • 39

    We can hear you!

    Text - Britain: So, you've been spying on French phone calls have you? America: Yes... Britain: And the Frenchies are pissed off are they? America: Yes... Britain: *Pats on back* Ha ha, you've made your old dad proud.
    via we-have-history
  • 40

    CAN'T HEAR YOU, THOUGH! LALALALALA FINGERS IN EARS!

    Text - America: Making my way downtown America: Walking fast China: Hey America you owe me money- America: Walking faster
    via we-have-history

    And that, ladies and gentlemen, is a fairly non-exhaustive summary of the events that occurred from ancient times up until the 21st century. A few things happened in between, some invasions went down, some governments were overthrown. Y'know, small stuff.

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