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19 Truly Unfortunate FML Moments

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Posted by mattstaff
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  • 1
    Text - Today, my boyfriend of 2 years is leaving me for someone he met once at graduation 2 days ago. Apparently it was a magical "love at first sight" experience. FML
    Via FML
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  • 2
    Text - Today, I found out I have a new allergy: the sun. My face is so swollen that it has started to bleed to relieve the pressure. Today is also day 6 of the 3-month European trip that I spent all year saving for. FML
    Via FML
  • 3
    Text - Today, I discovered the reason my 12-year-old brot her has been anxious and afraid of cops for the last 6 months. My crazy mother convinced him that porn is illegal and comes with a death penalty She did the same thing to me when I was his age. FML
    Via FML
  • 4
    Text - Today, I sneezed without knowing. Thad a nosebleed. Despite turning my head, a fine blood spray shot out all over my fiancée's white dress as we were standing at the altar. She refused to say "I do" because she was so mad. FML
    Via FML
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  • 5
    Text - Today, I had to explain to my husband that the Earth is not flat. He didn't believe me. FML
    Via FML
  • 6
    Text - Today, after submitting a 500-word essay to a writing contest, I found out that I lost to someone who wrote 3 sentences. FML
    Via FML
  • 7
    Text - Today, I assisted my first customer at my first job as a Target cashier. When I rang up this lady's items and gave her the total, not only dide she hiss at me and spit in my face, but she also dragged my manager over and demanded that he fire me. He did. FML
    Via FML
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  • 8
    Text - Today, it's my birthday, and my coworkers gave me a $75 gift card to a restaurant chain near my house. Later in the evening, I found out the chain of restaurants abruptly closed. All of them. FML
    Via FML
  • 9
    Text - Today, I found out the only way my wife has an orgasm is by fantasizing about an ex boyfriend, who she regrets never sleeping with. FML
    Via FML
  • 10
    Cat - Today, after spending all night packing for my 5am flight to Brazil, my cat peed all over my open suitcase. FML
    Via FML
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  • 11
    Nature - Today, I went to my favorite restaurant with my mother. The food took a little longer than usual to arrive and my mom threw a fit, complete with kicking and screaming, in the middle of the restaurant. My mom and I are both banned for life. FML
    Via FML
  • 12
    Text - Today, I came out to my therapist as gay. Claiming that my parents "can't be that homophobic", my therapist outed me to them. They kicked me out of the house. FML
    Via FML
  • 13
    Text - Today, I finally found a dress I'd been missing for months. It was in a casket, on my recently deceased cousin. FML
    Via FML
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  • 14
    Text - Today, I broke a tooth. It's Friday. Not a single dentist office is open. The good news? I might lose those last few pounds as I can't drink or eat without excruciating pain. Needless to say, it's going to be a long weekend. FML
    Via FML
  • 15
    Text - Today, I found out that my 50-year-old ex-husband and the 20-year-old skank he cheated on me with are buying the house next door to me. FML
    Via FML
  • 16
    Text - Today, I got fired from my job as a florist. Why? Because my boss made me come in with a stomach virus, and I threw up on the flowers in front of customers. FML
    Via FML
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  • 17
    Text - Today, my wife admitted that she purposefully starts fights with me purely because she enjoys arguing and seeing me flustered. Don't marry a lawyer. FML
    Via FML
  • 18
    Text - Today, my girlfriend and I went to see a horror movie. It ended up scaring her so badly that she refused to leave our bed all night long, even to pee. I have to clean the mattress now. FML
    Via FML
  • 19
    Text - Today, I got a text from my cousin saying he's gay. I was thrilled and told him I'm bisexual. He later texted me saying that his friend took his phone and said that. He also told all of our relatives. I accidentally came out to my family. FML
    Via FML

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