(one of my kittens ran from the room) Dad: I always found it weird how cats have that moment of...
(mom calls on phone) me: hellooo? mom: is there anything within' 5feet of you that you can use ...
Dad: Chances are, by the time you're 50, you'll have been attacked by a goose.
(while driving down a back road) My Dad: Oh look, ducks. Quack quack quack. Shake that ass, duck.
(Whilst watching a cooking program on TV) Mum: That's what I want to do, move to Scotland and fa...
Dad to the cat: I won't let any walruses eat you now, will I? (We live in Nevada by the way)
Family Feud Host: Name a place where you might see a dead body. Mom: Next to Chuck Norris.
Mom always wants grandchildren (I'm 24). Mom: Hey when are you going to have kids? Me: Um... wh...
(Boyfriend fell asleep on the couch. I poke him, trying to wake him up.) BF: DONT TOUCH THAT D...
Mom: What is this, chicken? Me: No, it's turkey. Mom: What about Stargate?
(Mom & I watching a spook flick in which the devil was floundering about a forest killing kids) ...
Step-dad: Don't samba with the cat! Me: Why not? Step-dad: Because she doesn't know how!
Telemarketers keep calling the house. (Dad answers the phone): Adventure! (hangs up) Me: O.o
Husband: Which seat can I taaa~ke? 3 Year Old Daughter: The one that is open. Just sit down.
(At the bar with my parents on my 21st birthday) Me: I don't know what to order. Mom: What do y...
(A new Sonic just opened up in town) Uncle: We got Sonic's! Hells yeah! Me: Cool! Uncle: I am ...
(Looking in the pantry for some food. Mom barges in.) Mom: The evil llama's are here, hand me th...
(While driving...again) Dad: I wanna be a Serial Killer. Gonna kill someone and put cereal on th...
(While my mom was on a girl's weekend, she called me) Mom: I can't find my phone... Help me find...