FayulRWJ

Dad: When I die, I want to be reincarnated as a narwhal! Me:Why? Dad: 'Cause narwhals are cool!

Mom: So Snoopy got arrested.. Me: Snoopy? Mom: Scooby...whatever. Me: You mean Snookie? Mom: ...

Me: Where's Dad? Mom: I killed him.

(I walk into the living room and hear this) ... Grandma: But we'd get caught. Grandpa: Not if ...

Mom: You're not allowed to date until you're married.

My mom: "Look at that girl's legs! They go all the way up to her waist!" Me: "...Don't yours, too?"

Dad: Did you drink some root beer? Me: No we don't have any. Dad: Root beer does not like excus...

(after buying a semi-pricey dress) Mom: If I ever see that dress on the floor, you had better be...