Icanhaspasketti

Dad: Sex requires a helmet and knee pads and body armour and a spatula and water wings and a turt...

Me: Mom, do you want to watch the Office with me? Mom: No. Me: Please? Mom: Shut the hell up o...

(Talking about her doctor's appointment) Dad's Girlfriend: I'm gonna have him look at the thing ...

Mom: You only need two men in your life: Arnold and Jesus. Me: Arnold is a cat. Mom: AND he's ...