bfloguy

Me: What would you do if I was kidnapped? Mom: I'd wait. After an hour they'd bring you back bec...

Me: Mom, what would you say if I told you I was pregnant? Mom: I'd ask how you managed to get a ...

Dad: Is a bird in the hand worth 2 in the bush? Mom: There are things I would rather have in my hand and bush.

Me: Merry Christmas Mom! Mom: Go away! It's not Christmas until I'm drunk.

Mom: Is like you're the ugly duckling, but instead of a swan you turned out to be a condor or something like that. Dad: Well, at least condors are badass.

Sister: I want to have a girl and name her Allie. Dad: Why, cause that's where she was conceived?

Me: Your horse is fat and annoying. Mom: You're fat and annoying. You're the one with red hair. Me: What's that supposed to mean? Mom: You have no soul.

(my dad just came home with an axe) Me: "What's the axe for?" Dad: "Because the guy at the gun store said I had to wait a week, but I'm angry now!"