bluemacncheez

Me: My cell phone won't stop vibrating. Mom: Well, put it somewhere nice.

Father: (On phone for half hour with telemarketer) "I'm not wearing any pants right now!"

(my dad just came out of the bathroom) Dad: MY POOP IS BACK TO NORMAL!

Mom: Text your friend. You need to explain to her that our car smells like pizza so she doesn't ...

Mom: "Why do I smell oranges...? AM I HAVING A STROKE?!"