broken0firehydrant

When at the midnight release of Harry Potter, it’s not a good idea to laugh hysterically at somet...

If you're a tomboy and shop like a man (go in, get what you need, GTFO), NEVER go to Ikea with yo...

Running into a glass door that is spotlessly clean and thus appears to be open can be made worse ...

When a colleague says "When I was your age I was married and had a kid," the proper response is n...

If you are a high school band instructor, and you want the low reeds to back off and the horns to...

When instructing a group of men how to latin dance, say "rise up on the front part of your feet" ...

When you blow on a hanging spider to swing it away from you, the laws of physics demand that it w...

booping a doggie on the nose will get you an enthusiastic wet, slobbery kiss. booping a ferret on...

If you happen to be called upon to squish a spider, remember that they carry their babies on thei...

Never go up to the counter at a video game store and ask how you can make your XBOX 360 play orig...

Never tell somebody about "fingering". They will be unaware that that is a violin term. #LFMF

(Calling my mom) Mom: Hey I was just talking about you! Me: All bad stuff, I'm sure. Mom: Nope...

My cousin and I were playing euchre against my Aunt and Uncle and got euchred. *Aunt and Uncle d...

Me: (Just watching some cars go by, thinking about what car would I like to buy) Mom: (Driving, ...

Me: Dad, You just ran a red light! Dad: Whatever, I'm from Michigan, they expect me to do dumb t...

(My 10 year old asked my mother what bi-sexual means. My mother thought for a few and said): You...

(Wile driving down the interstate with my wife and daughter, nasty weather taking place.) Daught...

(My Mom was driving me to the local park, so that I could have a walk around.) Mom: Are you sure...

Me: Hey Dad, why did you and mom have me so late in your marriage? Dad: Well, 18 years ago, your...

(I'm four months pregnant. My husband and I were watching a movie with my parents. My husband was...