dracomalfoy87

(to my fiance and i before our wedding) Grandaddy: now, i don't believe in premarital sex, but...

(my mom talking to us about starting the laundry) Mom: Make sure you wet the water. Brother: Do...

Me: I'm adopted Mom: I'd hate to say it, but you're not adopted. Me: Fine, I'm the milk man's k...

(After telling my father that I'm gay) Dad: Well you know that not every girl is right for every...

Sister: Did someone just call me an idiot? Grandma: No, but we're all thinking it.

Mom: Scott, don't twirl that steak knife around. You're going to hurt yourself. Me: But mom... y...

Mom: They went to Hawaii Grandma: Where in Hawaii? Mom: I don't remember...OH! AN ISLAND!!!

(After watching me on my laptop for 15 minutes without saying anything) Mom: Won't having that o...

(Mom playing Black Ops and petting the dog.) Mom: Alright puppy. Go lay down, I have to kill.

Me: I'm going to take a shower. Grandpa: Don't get wet!

*I just walked into room* Dad: Yes, but lizards don't get sucked into jet engines! Mom: But if ...

If you are a boss of a group, remember to clear your browser history before showing us your prese...

Just because your car door can open with the press of a button does not mean that you can do the ...

I realize that he might look like your Dad from behind, but don't give him a hug before finding o...

When replying to an email offering you the job of your dreams be aware that your autocorrect chan...