ride

Dad: "Sometimes I just wish I could pee in bed. So I wouldn't have to get up."

Mom: "Why does it have AM/PM? Why does your microwave care when you're making food?"

Mom: I'm sorry I can't hear you I don't have my glasses on

(Mom playing Black Ops and petting the dog.) Mom: Alright puppy. Go lay down, I have to kill.

*I just walked into room* Dad: Yes, but lizards don't get sucked into jet engines! Mom: But if ...

Me: I read that in Florida, alligators eat people's dogs! That's so sad! I know it wouldn't be as...