sebastianmichaelis

If you think it'd be fun to walk around in the rain, you are correct. If you think your phone and...

While at McDonalds my younger brother is trying to eat an ice cream cone in one bite. Me: There'...

Me: Is it bad if I die? Mum: Nah, you just have to decide if you want to be buried or cremated. ...

Grandma: Could you pirate me some TruBlood? Dad: Isn't that just about hot vampires having sex? ...

Cousin: Nanny, where's your other earring? Nanny: Oh, it's probably in the mashed potatoes.

Me: Mom, wake up, we need to go to Costco. Mom: ...where's...mom...? Me: You... You ARE mom.

(Whilst watching a bondage scence in a fim) Mum: I'll have to try that with your father sometime.

Me: It'd be nice to go out to dinner as a family when I get home, lets make sure dad comes too M...

Dad: I'm giving the dogs chicken because they can't have meat every night Me: Chicken IS meat D...

Mom: "Wouldn't it be eerie if Halloween fell on Friday the 13th?"

Dad: When I die, I don't want you to waste money on a nice casket. Bury me in Glad trash bags.

Me: I think I'm going to rent SAW 6. Mom: Oh good, I'm always in for a romantic comedy

Me: When can I go to Sammi's? Mom: weh-wehmeh-weh-ha. Me: What? Sammi: What? Mom: Shut up, my...

Dad: You're gonna come back from vacation and all these $#@%*^& cats are gonna be gone... except ...

(My self proclaimed "Muscle Man" of a father walks into the room) Dad: What movie are watching...

Dad: Is a bird in the hand worth 2 in the bush? Mom: There are things I would rather have in my ...

Dad: Hey, you wanna go to a concert tonight? Me: Not really Dad: But you'd be helping me out ca...

Me: Why do you have a pack of soda crackers in your truck? Dad: I'LL NEVER TELL!!!!

Dad: What's this vajazzling thing that everyone's talking about? Should I be getting on? Is it li...

Mom: Use Condoms, if you don't you'll end up with 3 kids before you're 18. Me: Mom, its cool. I'...

Mom: Hmmmm... I definitely need a pair of those... Me: Pair of what? Mom: Vibrating panties. M...

Me: Why did you give me a car deodorizer for christmas? Grandma: To cover up the smell of pot...

*Mom rubbing her eye* Mom: I've got something in my eye...AND DON'T YOU SAY IT'S MY FINGER!

Me: I don't like flying. I hate heights. And I really don't like the security guys feeling me up ...

Me: Grandma, I need to call you back, there's a boy in my apartment Gma: Is he lost?

Nana: [talking about a protest I went to] Did you get arrested? Me: No, Nana! Nana: Aw. It's n...

Mum: What's teabagging? Me: I'm not telling you! Mum: Is it something me and your father might ...