(Angry at a video game)Me:Jesus Christ! Mum:He wont help you

Mom: Why don't whales hit boats when they come to the surface? Me: I guess they look up, they ...

(while shoppong for perfume for my mom and getting a lady who works there to help us) lady: here...

(At whole foods) Mom: Should we get some oranges here? Dad: Only if they're orgasmic. Me: DAD....

Walking by the living room as Dad farts. Mom: Oh my God, I can smell that through my nose! Dad:...

(My friends grandma discussing her dyed black hair) Her Grandma: Are you going emu on me?

Dad: What are you watching? Me: 2 Angry Beavers. Dad: That's not a lesbian porno is it? Me: ...

Mom: You know how guinea pigs can be all sorts of colors? Me: Yeah. Mom: Wouldn't it be great i...

(While telling my mother what we did last night) Me: We went and saw a jazz band play downtown. ...

(While talking with my mum) Mum: Hang on, I can't hear you, I'm not wearing my glasses Me: ???

Talking about different genres of people, like hipster, punk, emo, gangster, prep... Mom: He l...

Dad: "Cats are like velcro."

My mom after some woman cut her off: "Yes, grandma, jump right out in front of us! Cuz we're high...

Do NOT cuddle with your cat after putting on lip balm. Especially if they're shedding.

When your little brother says he puked on the cat, don't sniff the cat to be sure. The cat will h...