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26 Tweets About Marriage That Will Hit Too Close to Home For Some People Out There

Posted by mattstaff
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  • 1
    Text - David Hughes @david8hughes Follow Text from wife: I'm so sorry, I'm gonna be about half an hour late Me [forgot we were even meeting, still in bed]: you always do this 9:46 AM-6 Nov 2016 t1,840 5,225
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  • 2
    Text - Zack Follow @Mr_Kapowski You know you've been married a while when you can correctly answer "What's that one person's name in that movie about the thing?" 3:16 PM -4 Nov 2016 t376 843
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  • 3
    Text - Sara Says Stop @PetrickSara Follow Not to brag, but my husband just came back from shopping for my birthday gift, and he was carrying a Rite Aid bag. 9:20 AM -30 Sep 2016 t57 178
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  • 4
    Text - Elizabeth Hackett Follow @LizHackett When you're married, 90% of a Friday night is asking "Do we have to go to this?" 8:11 PM -4 Nov 2016 t187 712
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  • 5
    Text - Le Bear Gizzard Follow @LeBearGirdle Wife: can you pick up milk? Me: [lifts gallon] yea it's easy Wife: I mean from the store Me: I would imagine it weighs the same there too 2:50 PM-22 Oct 2016 t1,929 3,759
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  • 6
    Text - Flirt;) Follow @1 MeLrO Basically marriage is just hiding your favorite snacks from each other 9:06 AM -22 Sep 2015 t330 546
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  • 7
    Text - Amy Dillon @amydillon Follow When my husband goes outside to investigate a strange noise, how long do I have to wait before un-pausing the show we were watching? 10:20 PM-29 Dec 2015 838 1,997
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  • 8
    Text - Jenn Follow @heyevergreen husband tries to dramatically break news by asking, "Are you sitting down?" and I'm like, sitting down is literally all I do 11:05 PM 17 Jan 2016 t223 489
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  • 9
    Text - Kateb861 Follow @kateb861 Marriage is just a bunch of text messages back and forth asking "What time are you coming home?" 12:56 PM-22 Jan 2016 母121 288
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  • 10
    Text - Josh Follow @iwearaonesie wife "opens First Aid Kit WHY WOULD YOU FILL IT WITH CHEETOS? me [bleeding] It was funny at the time 8:21 PM-10 Oct 2016 t975 1,878
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  • 11
    Text - Rock Follow @TheMichaelRock lin bed] Me: hey, did you grab my butt Wife: yeah sorry, I was looking for the remote 12:55 PM-6 Nov 2016 t56 127
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  • 12
    Text - mark Follow @TheCatWhisprer I wish there was more trust in my marriage like where I could buy produce without my wife inspecting it like she's appraising a diamond 9:21 PM-1 Nov 2016 t76 338
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  • 13
    Text - Kalvin Follow @KalvinMacleod ME: There's no i in team but there is one in pizza WIFE: so you're not going to share ME: I am not going to share 2:38 PM-18 Jan 2016 t1,100 1,753
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  • 14
    Text - Tired Working Mom @WorkingMom86 Follow Like watching a fly trying to find an open window, only its my husband looking for something in plain sight. 8:55 PM-4 Sep 2016 t107 188
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  • 15
    Text - Blu Follow @TwoSapphiresBlu need you to be spontaneous. Be predictable. I need intimacy Give me my space. Load the dishwasher. Not like that. marriage 7:32 AM -3 Nov 2016 t253 465
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  • 16
    Text - Six Pack Mom Follow @Six_Pack Mom Husband secretly lowers the thermostat & I secretly turn it back up. We both vehemently deny touching it. Marriage is fun 10:31 PM - 12 Oct 2016 t63 195
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  • 17
    Text - James Breakwell Follow @XplodingUnicorn How to fold laundry like me: 1) Fold it in half. 2) Fold it in quarters. 3) Put it on the pile 4) Watch as my wife angrily refolds it. 3:53 PM -6 Nov 2016 t 461 3,016
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  • 18
    Text - Simon Holland Follow @simoncholland 87% of married sex starts with someone pausing House Hunters 9:29 PM-2 May 2016 母 131 352
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  • 19
    Text - Cameron Esposito Wy@cameronesposito Follow My wife & I just snoozed 2 separate alarm clocks for 2.5 hrs. This is the exact relationship I hoped for. 11:01 AM - 18 May 2016 t83 394
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  • 20
    Text - James Breakwell Follow @XplodingUnicorn Wife: We need milk, eggs, and bread. Write it down. Me: No need. I'l remember. [an hour later] Wife: What did you buy? Me: A panda. 3:39 PM - 6 May 2016 t2,256 7,371
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  • 21
    Text - Zack Follow @Mr Kapowski "I was just about to do that chore that I see you're starting now" - Marriage 7:21 PM-9 May 2016 435 661
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  • 22
    Text - Valerie Follow @ValeeGrrl It was while watching husband eat 9 hard-boiled eggs in one sitting that I realized I'd achieved my childhood dream of marrying Gaston. 12:33 PM-15 May 2016 t55 223
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  • 23
    Text - TechnicallyRon @TechnicallyRon Follow Marriage is basically shouting the word DOG at each other whilst out when you see a dog and acknowledging that it is indeed, a good dog 11:51 AM 10 Apr 2016 t197 484
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  • 24
    Cartoon - Mr. Peel Follow @Rlpihl me: HONEY COME DOWN to THE BASEMENT! wife: are u dressed as Pickachu again? me: NO NO, ITS AN EMERGENCY wife: ok me: 9:08 AM-13 May 2016 t36 104
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  • 25
    Text - Rock Follow @TheMichaelRock [in bed] Me: I like the sound of that. What are you doing under those covers? Wife: Stirring mac and cheese. Me: oh hell yeah 11:16 AM-14 Apr 2016 221 t95
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  • 26
    Text - beth loves cake, so @bourgeoisalien Follow Nothing in life can prepare you for how much of marriage is spent just listening to someone cough 8:01 PM-2 May 2016 t152 364
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