We Watched Wholesome Christmas Movies, And Decided To Rate The Top Outfits
We all know the Hallmark Christmas movie standard plot: big city girl tryna have it all has to go live in a small town right before Christmas, learns from the small-town folks to be happy with a simple life, falls in love with a down-to-earth local guy, and celebrates Christmas the way the Founding Fathers intended. By the end, she leaves her heathen, er, I mean, big-city life behind to stay in her new home for good. And it's great! Sometimes she goes somewhere besides a small town, but always somewhere outside her comfort zone where she can act lovably clueless so that her beau-of-the-people can roll his eyes and show her the RIGHT way to churn butter or whatever they do out there.
Sadly, as these ladies get humbled, so do their outfits. So let's take a look at how they look before they learn the true meaning of Christmas, and try to answer the age-old question: is happiness worth the boring clothes?
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My Christmas Inn
Yes, that is Tia Mowry of Sister, Sister fame! She gets points for looking spiffy and for answering questions very respectfully. Points deducted because that podium looks like it's made of cheap plastic. Didn't your mother ever teach you that your outfit is only as good as the podium you're standing at?
7/10.
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Christmas Under Wraps
"What, you expect me to take this designer coat and boots that I bought with the money I made as a doctor and get on that tiny plane piloted by a man I've never met who smells like sugar cookies and the unconditional love my parents never gave me?"
5/10 — Very stylish look, points deducted for two handbags instead of something even a little bit practical.
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Christmas Inheritance
Like Ms. Fancy Doctor, this heiress is wearing the signature Hallmark "confused city girl in a small town" look. That bright button-down coat and matching scarf have her stickin' out like some kinda exotic bird, and them fancy high heels just won't do for walkin' around this little town's dirt roads! That's okay, she'll soon learn it's what's inside that counts.
7.5/10 — Though it's pretty much the same as above, this one gets extra points for sexier shoes and a less sarcastic look on her smug city-slicker face.
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Holiday in the Wild
Ahh, the life cycle of every woman: Nerdy Bathing Suit Girl, Charlotte in Sex and the City, Middle-Aged Lady in a White Blazer, and finally, Elephant Sanctuary Volunteer. At least, that's been Kristin Davis's trajectory, but isn't it a path for every woman to aspire to? Metaphorically? No? Okay.
4/10 — Points added for simple and stylish, points deducted because the blouse is a little bit see-through. This is a Christmas movie, not Girls Gone Wild, Kristin!
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The Princess Switch
One of them is a hard worker and one of them is rich and repressed. We know that because one has a stain on her plain white apron and the other one is dressed like a much older lady who doesn't show her collarbone. Neither of these outfits is flattering.
10/10 — Lots of points added because Vanessa Hudgens is a doll, but TWO Vanessa Hudgenses are TWO dolls!
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Christmas Wonderland
I have to hand it to her, Emily Osment can pull off an outfit. But can she pull herself out of corporate misery and reconnect with her art through the magic of Christmas? I mean, if she didn't it would be a huge subversion of the genre.
6/10 — Points added for this outfit's crisp lines, points deducted because you can see in her eyes that this isn't where she's meant to be, dangit! She should be painting! And sharing meaningful looks with a man in a sensible brown jacket! And decorating the gym of the local high school for the town Christmas dance! Fly away, Emily! This cruel city can't bring you fulfillment!
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A Christmas Prince
In a great role reversal, this movie features a girl who's already down-to-earth being swept up by a glamorous royal prince! See, we know she's down-to-earth because she's wearing converse. She's not fancy, she just grabbed her trusty pair of uninsulated cloth shoes and headed out into the snow. Through the magic of Christmas, her feet stay totally dry!
8/10 — Points added because I had a roommate in college who dressed like this, and that look really worked for her. Points deducted because breaking a vase doesn't result in her joining a host club.
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