Ignorant Husband Tells Wife To Not ‘Expect Appreciation’ For Being A Stay At Home Mom

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Mayarey
Jan 22, 2022 3:00 PM EST

The nuclear family occurs less and less in the modern-day. It is not unusual that both parents will work full-time jobs, especially as their children get older. But sometimes two people will come to an agreement that one will dedicate more of their time to raising their kids and take on a "stay at home parent" position. This is fine as long as it is 100% consensual and most of all, recognized as a 24/7 career.

Apparently, this man thinks it's a lot for his wife to expect appreciation for her life that she dedicated to their kids. What do you think? Who could possibly be the a-hole here?

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  • 01
    Font - r/AmltheAsshole u/Particular-Willow-17 · 4h AITA for telling my wife that she should stop constantly expecting appreciation and just get on with her job of being a SAHM?
    via u/Particular-Willow-17
  • 02
    Font - | (36M) work full time and my wife (32F) is a SAHM looking after our 2 year old twins.
    via u/Particular-Willow-17
  • 03
    Font - When we got married, we both agreed that my wife would be a SAHM, especially since we don't have any family/grandparents nearby. We were both in agreement and my wife made it clear she wanted to enjoy seeing our kids grow up (we don't plan on having any more).
    via u/Particular-Willow-17
  • 04
    Font - I make a good wage so we are comfortable. I don't give my wife any spending limits (obviously we discuss big purchases) so she is free to buy herself things, I make sure she has access to money and she takes care of everything around the house.
    via u/Particular-Willow-17
  • 05
    Font - I work from home and a typical day for me is 7am - 5pm. Once I finish work, I go and spend time with the twins while my wife makes dinner. We put them to bed together and my wife usually clears up in the kitchen. She is great at her job and the house is spotless. I am happy with this arrangement and I thought my wife was too.
    via u/Particular-Willow-17
  • 06
    Font - Recently, she has been coming to me and saying that she feels burned out, unappreciated and taken for granted. I asked if I could do anything to help and she said that it would be nice if I did something now and again to show that I appreciated her. E.g. buying her favourite bar of chocolate when I go to the shop or something small, just as a gesture of appreciation. I'll admit that I didn't do this, purely because I am not in the habit to be honest.
    via u/Particular-Willow-17
  • 07
    Font - We recently had a massive argument because my wife got completely fed up with being "treated like a servant". She basically said that her working hours are 5am - 9pm, 7 days a week and that she feels like I take her for granted. I told her that I understand it's a tough job but we both get on with our respective roles. I never ask her to thank me for making money, I think that's cringeworthy. I get on with my job because I have to provide for my family whereas she wants presents and treat
    via u/Particular-Willow-17
  • 08
    Font - I essentially said this to her and now l'm wondering if I am the asshole - looking after kids and the house is tiring and she does work hard and takes care of everything. But at the same time, do I need to thank her on bended knee and buy her things just for doing her job? AITA?
    via u/Particular-Willow-17
  • 09
    Font - EDIT: Ok, you can all stop tearing me a new asshole. I get it. I do get to relax at the weekend whereas my wife usually does her normal routine and gets on top of the cleaning etc. Just for the record, I do thank her for everything she does - I say thank you all the time but I understand that this may not be her love language. 4 1427 3 771 1, Share
    via u/Particular-Willow-17
  • 10
    Font - OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: I told my wife that whilst I appreciate she has a hard job of looking after the kids, I think she should stop expecting constant gifts and appreciation for doing the job that she agreed to do. I think this might make me the asshole because it is quite a demanding role and she does work 7 days a week.
    via u/Particular-Willow-17
  • 11
    Font - Temporary_Badger · 4h Pooperintendant [57] 5 Awards YTA. Jesus Christ, it's really too much to ask to occasionally buy your wife a bar of chocolate or say "thank you"? It sounds like she is working harder than you, but that isn't even the point. Appreciating her and showing her you love her is part of being a decent husband. If you're a robot who doesn't need appreciation, that doesn't mean she has to be too.
    via u/Particular-Willow-17
  • 12
    Font - rak1882 · 4h Asshole Enthusiast [6] YTA It's amazing- it's like your wife wants to treated like a wife and partner, instead of an incubator/ nanny/housekeeper. Your wife is telling explicitly what she needs- she needs you to show her that she's appreciated. You are told- in a variety of ways at your job- that you are appreciated, I have no doubt. Your wife expecting that low bar to be met is reasonable.
    via u/Particular-Willow-17
  • 13
    Font - big_dickslap • 4h Asshole Enthusiast [6] 2 Awards YTA: correction her hours are not 5am-9pm her hours are 24/7. You don't get a break from being a mom and you seem not to realize how exhausting it actually is. As a SAHM myself, let me tell you something, a lack of appreciation= a lack of intimacy. I pack my SOs lunch, I get a thank you, he sees me doing laundry or dishes he says thank you. Is it every single time? No, but it's enough that I know hey he actually does appreciate what I do f
    via u/Particular-Willow-17

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aita marriage audacity kids wife parenting husband family Reddit rude children
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