25-year-old sister refuses to attend brother's wedding after he sets it on the same day as her sister-in-law's wedding, parents throw a tantrum: ‘You're being selfish’

Author image for Bar Mor Hazut
Bar Mor Hazut • Senior Editor
May 24, 2025 9:00 PM EDT

Having two weddings scheduled on the same day can be either an unfortunate coincidence or a great excuse to miss a wedding you do not want to attend. If these weddings are of two people you really love and want to be a part of the happiest day of their lives, then it is a bummer that you won't be able to attend one of them, and even more of a bummer that you have to choose. But if one wedding feels more like an obligation than something you actually want to attend, having another wedding on the same day can be the best excuse ever, one that you don't have to feel bad for using.

Even though it seems like the sister in the story below doesn't want to attend her brother's wedding, because of the complicated family history they have, she was actually really happy for him. But when he decided to purposely set his wedding on the same day as her SIL's wedding, she was forced to make a choice.

Let's just say that her family was not happy about what she chose.

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    Cheezburger Image 10508848640
    via DAPA Images

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    AITA for refusing to go to my brothers wedding to attend the wedding of my sister-in-law instead?

    Hey! I (25F) moved to France from my home country of Sweden seven months ago after me and my husband. (27M) got married. I've never really got along with my
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    parents. My dad had a temper growing up and would often shout at me and demean me, and my mum was very emotionally manipulative - constantly finding reasons to argue with
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    me and point out things ive done wrong, even often being critical of my appearance. Meanwhile my brother (24M) was treated like the golden child that couldnt do anything wrong.
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    On the other hand, my husbands family have always been so kind and welcoming to me, and to be honest they feel like more of my family than my own.
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    Since the move, things have only gotten worse. My mum insists calling every two days, and we're often on the phone for like an hour at a time. She's obviously upset
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    that I chose to leave home, and I do feel guilty for not being able to help around the house like I used to. She's always insisting we travel to Sweden for any event and since we moved to
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    France 7 months ago I've already travelled to Sweden 5 times which is really stressful and expensive. When I do go home she's really critical of me and my husband, and even his family.
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    So, onto what has happened recently - my sister-in-law announced her engagement and asked me to be a bridesmaid!! I was so so excited. My husband was
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    also asked to be a groomsman. She told us the dates for the wedding - next summer - and we had no plans for then so it was perfect. When my mum called me (video call), I told
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    her because i was excited, but she just went silent and clearly looked upset, so I started speaking with my dad. Fast forward to recently - I travelled back to Sweden to
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    see my family for easter. During dinner time, my brother announced his own engagement! I was and am so excited for him. Later on that day we were talking about dates, and he and his
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    fiance had nothing in mind yet. I said me and my husband would be available whenever, the only date that doesnt work is the weekend of my sister-in-laws wedding.
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    Cheezburger Image 10508848896
    via Jeremy Wong

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    My mum bu ted in then and said that it depends on venues and things, but that they would try. So, I got a text in our family group chat yesterday from my brother announcing the
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    dates to us. Apparently they all went to a venue and picked out the date together, and they told me that the dates are the same dates as my sister-in-laws wedding.
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    Like, same day and everything. I was devastated. I wasnt thinking straight, and I told them I wouldnt be coming that I said the date doesnt work. My mum then sent a horrible message,
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    saying that it doesnt matter, and that I'm being selfish, and that my brothers wedding is more important to them and that I had to choose what is more important for me. I told her
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    that if I have to choose, then I choose to go to my sister- in-laws, and she hasnt responded. Now I'm really worried I've made the wrong decision. So, I really want to know, AITA?
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  • I could have understood the parents and brother if the wedding date was set by accident on the one weekend the sister could not attend, but they did it fully on purpose. So they have no right to complain or accuse the sister of anything, and I hope she will realise it too soon.

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    lihzee NTA. You already committed to the other wedding. They knew that was the only date you'd be unable to make work - they did this on purpose to test you, sounds like.
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    salandur NTA You already told them. these dates are not available for you, yet still they choose them. Now they are trying to guilt trip and gaslight you into coming.
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    With what you wrote here, they are a manipulative bunch and only care about themselves. You should consider going NC or LC with them.
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    ACM915 NTA- but you just need to drop the rope with your family. You are never going to get the validation or respect you are looking for and it's just a waste of your time and
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    emotional energy. Go and be in your SIL wedding and don't give your parents or brother another moment of thought.
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family drama aita wedding drama kids brother siblings reddit story sister in law wedding family sister Reddit parents children entitled people
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