Woman Rebukes Nosy Co-Worker Asking About Her Husband's Salary, Splits Opinion on Work Etiquette

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Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Aug 8, 2023 5:00 PM EDT

A key part of many jobs is coworker management. Even if you aren't anybody's boss, navigating those thorny office politics is a necessity and not optional extra. None of us get it right all of the time, but it really pays to try. Nobody wants to get on the wrong side of HR. 

At the same time, this can be easier said than done. If you haven't had an annoying colleague that you could happily cuss out, you haven't lived. That being said, it's better to not go that far even if they happen to push your buttons.

This is a boundary that one Redditor recently crossed, after her pushy coworker insisted on knowing about her husband's salary. Swearing at her when the woman wouldn't let the issue go, she asked r/AmItheAsshole if she had gone too far. While some wholeheartedly agreed with her response, others were less impressed. It is possible to diffuse these situations without losing your temper. 

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  • 01
    Font - r/AmltheAsshole u/islaisla321 • 1d AITA for calling my coworker a "nosy b*tch" after she kept insisting to know my husband's salary? Not the A-hole
    via islaisla321
  • 02
    Font - My husband and I have, both 33, have been together since college. Over the years, he's had quite the career trajectory. He's a quant PM and makes like 10x what I make (and I make a good salary haha!). As we've grown wealthier, I've learned that people become nosier. Friends, acquaintances, relatives, you name it. In the beginning I would entertain the nosy questions, but since I turned 30, I've adopted a "take no shit" attitude. When people ask me how much he makes, I no longer say anythi
    via islaisla321
  • 03
    Font - My co-worker, 25, is new and she already has quite the reputation. Very chatty, catty, gossipy, you get the gist. You can just tell she craves wealth and status. She wears a bunch of flashy designer items and is always asking the ladies around the office which of the men are single. Last Friday, our office hosted an afternoon happy hour. She approached me and asked how me and my husband's recent vacation to Europe went. I told her it went well and briefly summarized what we did. Then the
    via islaisla321
  • 04
    Font - Her: "So what does your husband do?" Me: "He works in finance." Her: "Oh wow, he must make a ton then to be taking you on all these lavish vacations! I hope you don't mind me asking, but how much does he make in a year??" Me: "Yes, we're very lucky that he makes a good salary." Polite smile Her: "Oh c'monnn I won't tell anyone. How much does he rake in a year? Millions??" Me: Awkward chuckle "I'd rather not say, but it's up there!"
    via islaisla321
  • 05
    Font - Her: "What, he doesn't allow you to give an exact number or something??" Me: Visibly annoyed "No, I just prefer not to say." Her: Laughs in my face "You'd think the stuck-up one would be the one with money, not the one without!" Me: "You should learn how to take 'no' for an answer and when to quit being a nosy bitch. It's a valuable lesson."
    via islaisla321
  • 06
    Font - Then I smiled at her and walked away. Later on, I had a few co-workers reach out to me and say that she was crying and left early and that I should apologize for calling her a rude name. I refused. I told my mom and she said I was too rude to the new girl and that she's young and might not fully understand "salary talk". I think she's old enough. Husband is fully on my side but said maybe I should fake apologize for the sake of office politics, which I somewhat agree with. But still, AITA
    via islaisla321
  • 07
    Font - Imfakingamnesia 1d I know women like her. The type to find out it's 'millions' and then starts sleazing all over your husband. NTA. TELL ... 01 435.7k ↓ islaisla321 1d OP 418.6k Oh, trust me, I know exactly what you mean. I've encountered my fair share of those too and my new co-worker is definitely one of them. ...
    via imfakingamnesia
  • 08
    Font - ManufacturerNo6126 1d. Edited NTA Report her to HR. ... 4 12.5k She Kind of Low Key Tried to get to know His salary so she can hang on him and be His girlfriend islaisla321 1d OP I could definitely see her as the type of woman to throw herself onto married men if they have enough money. ... 46.0k ↓
    via ManfacturerNo6126
  • 09
    Font - ΝΤΑ Bo_058 1d Partassipant [3] ... 49.5k Though I agree that she is young, and it was harsh. And I agree that for the sake of office politics you should say something like "I apologize for calling you a bitch, but I do hope it was a valuable lesson for you and next time you are able to recognize other people's boundaries when they draw them". islaisla321 1d OP 44.9k ↓ I think this is the way to go as well and I plan on saying something like that tomorrow. ...
    via Bo_O58
  • 10
    Font - rapt2right 1d Supreme Court Just-ass [129] 46.7k ↓ NTA but I have always found "Why do you ask?" is more effective than vague answers to unacceptably personal questions. If that fails to end it, still don't give any answers. "That's not something I discuss outside my family & my tax guy" islaisla321 1d OP 44.1k ↓ You know what, that's actually a great response, wow. I've never thought about directing a question back at them, but I can totally see how that can be more effective/productive.
    via rapt2right
  • 11
    Font - 01 GimerStick 1d Partassipant [1] ESH. ... 44.8k ↓ I don't think I need to go into why she's an asshole. You should be able to walk away from someone at a work event without calling them a bitch. There are certainly situations that might warrant it, but she didn't assault you or steal something or otherwise act beyond the pale where you can justify losing control. Just... walk away. Don't put your coworkers in the position where they have to debate justifying you/anyone calling someone a
    via GimerStick
  • 12
    Font - SnowEnvironmental861 1d. E... 4 1.8k ↓ Can't believe how far I had to scroll for this. IMO there is never a good reason to call someone a bitch, ESPECIALLY in the work environment. You have to see these people (and the people they work with) every day, and it just creates divisiveness. Better to just be firm and dismissive: "I don't discuss this with anyone, sorry." ETA: By using a nasty word, you put yourself in a position to be thought harsh and wrong. By saying the above, you are makin
    via SnowEnvironmental861
  • 13
    Font - amelieBR 1d 133 Agreed. OP know that's a hard enough insult to grant the b*tch in post title, and it's a sexist insult. ESH. ladystetson 1d Certified Proctologist [26] 100% agree. ... ... 126 ↓ This manipulative girl probably went straight to HR on OP for calling her a gendered slur. OP is gloating in her own mind about how she told this girl off, meanwhile a storm of drama is potentially brewing at her job, with herself at the center. Everyone knows, if there's a potential drama queen at
    via amelieBR
  • 14
    Font - Bulky_Accountant6490 1d 4 1.4k ↓ ESH. She was rude, but you were too. You have to be professional in a work place setting, because conduct like that can harm your reputation. Was it really worth it to escalate the situation like that? You could have easily been NTA if you had just said "excuse me" and walked off. MyOwnPrivateWario 1 d 4637 What made me feel like OP was egging her on a bit was peppering in the "oh its up there" "He makes a good salary", etc. You knew she was nosy, but you
    via Bulky_Accountant6490
  • 15
    Rectangle - ESH Solidus27 1d ... 41.3k What planet do you live on? You can't call your colleague a bitch at work, even if they are a bitch and very much acting like a bitch in that moment
    via Solidus27
  • 16
    Font - 91 MiddleUnhappy9463 1d You both sound obnoxious ... 682 brilikethebear 1d This is it. Everyone in here has never had a corporate job if they think she handled this like a "pro." She handled it terribly and all the priming to make me hate the coworker off her vibes didn't work because it also made the OP sound weirdly defensive and like she just has beef with this woman and was champing at the bit to call her names. They both acted terribly and I'm glad neither of them work in my office!
    via MiddleUnhappy9463
  • 17
    Font - Inebrium 1d 282 YTA. You already rebuked her with the "you should learn how to take no for an answer, it's a valuable lesson.", there was no need to also call her a nosy bitch. It seems clear to me that you already dislike this woman, and it wasn't just this enquiry about your husbands salary that led you to calling her a nosy bitch. ...
    via Inebrium
  • 18
    Rectangle - sagehoe 1d Asshole Enthusiast [7] 272 NTA. You gave her plenty chances to shut up and take what you gave her but she chose to try to walk all over you. Not your fault huney ...
    via sagehoe

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opinion terrible coworkers salary aita marriage work coworkers relationships insult Reddit coworker money
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