Elon Musk once painted a vision of the future where every Tesla becomes your side hustle. Your Model Y would drop you off at the mall, then drive around town picking up passengers like a robot Uber, making you money while you sip lattes or watch a movie. That was the dream. That was the pitch. What we got instead is 10–20 Teslas in a very specific grid of Austin, driving hand-picked influencers in slow loops while safety monitors ride shotgun with a big red "stop everything" button at the ready.
You know what this really feels like? A beta test they slapped a launch label on so the fanboys could say “we did it.” And look, there’s nothing wrong with testing a product before unleashing it on the general public. In fact, please do. But maybe don’t act like you’ve reinvented transportation when there’s still a guy in the passenger seat making sure your robot car doesn’t plow into a taco truck.
To be fair, the rides seem… fine? Smooth. Predictable. “Normal,” as one tester put it. But that’s not exactly the sci-fi future we were promised, is it? That’s not The Jetsons. That’s “we geofenced a couple square miles and crossed our fingers.” Oh, and apparently you still have to physically show the car your app to prove your identity, because they haven’t figured that part out either. So we’re automating drivers, but not user login?
Meanwhile, Waymo is out here operating over 1,500 actual driverless cars in multiple cities. And Tesla? They launched in Austin, avoided highways, dodged bad weather, and made sure there were no airports in the vicinity. It’s like watching someone jump into a kiddie pool and declare they’ve crossed the Atlantic.
And yet… I’m not writing this because I hate it. I want this to work. I love the idea of safe, accessible, autonomous transportation. But I also think Tesla needs to stop playing the marketing game and focus on actually delivering the thing they keep promising. Because right now? This doesn’t feel like the bold leap forward. It feels like a tech demo with a PR team.
Also, let’s not ignore the $4.20 flat fee for a ride. A weed joke? In 2025? We get it, Elon. You’re still edgy. Cool. Can we focus now?
So yeah, Tesla's RoboTaxi is here. Sort of. It's a step. A real one. But if this is the revolution, it’s got a long way to go before we let our cars moonlight as income-generating robots. Until then, enjoy your supervised joyrides, Austin.
I’ll be over here waiting for the real launch. Hopefully before Waymo buys Tesla and finishes the job.
