New stepmother buys used bridesmaid dress for 15-year-old stepdaughter despite paying full price for everyone else's: 'You coldly disregarded her feeling excluded'

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    Posted by u/Melodic_Ad8963 17 hours ago AITA buying my step- daughter a used bridesmaid dress?
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    I'm getting married in December of this year. I am bringing 2 daughters into this marriage. They're 8 & 12. My fiance has a daughter from a previous marriage as well, Kiki (15). All 3 girls are in my wedding party, with Kiki as a bridesmaid. I'm letting all of my bridal party pick out their dresses, with the
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    condition they're all the same color and within a certain budget. I'm also paying for all of them. Kiki sent me a link to the dress she liked and I thought it was pretty. I planned on ordering it once I had the other members of the wedding party sending me what they wanted.
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    I was scrolling on Facebook one night and one of the buy/sell groups I'm apart of showed the dress that Kiki sent me. It was only used once in a wedding and is in perfect condition. You can't even tell it was worn before. It also so happened to be in her size. So, I figured it'd be cheaper to buy this as it's a dress she'll
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    likely also wear once and never again. The dress new online is $200. The person was selling it for $50 and just wanted it gone. I've seen the dress in person. No stains, no smells. Truly a steal. So, I bought it.
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    When I told Kiki, she got mad and said she was the only one not getting a brand new dress. I pointed out I'm still getting her new shoes, accessories (again all of her choice), have alternations done to the dress as needed, she'll have her hair and makeup done with us. If I found any other member of the bridal party's
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    dress in a similar condition and cheaper price in a Facebook group or a thrift store, I'd buy it. As it is, I'm spending about a grand on dresses for the 5 members of my bridal party. If I can save a little money, I will.
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    Kiki wants me to buy her the brand new dress. I spoke with my fiance and he agrees with me. We told Kiki if she wants the dress brand new, she can pay the difference. She's still upset with us. Other members of my husband's family feels I'm being a cheap and should just buy the dress new. AITA?
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    • Doktor_Seagull 17 hr. ago YTA Your reasoning was totally sound. Weddings are expensive so save where you can. The dress you found is in like-new condition and the correct size. Like you said a total steal.
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    Too late now but why did you inform Kiki you found it used? Did she really need to know? She obviously feels singled out by her stepmom to be. Everyone else is getting a new dress, and she gets a used one.
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    Then instead of seeing her position you tell her she can pay $150 to get a new dress. I get you are being practical, but this isn't a great start to fostering a good relationship between you and Kiki. You coldly disregarded her feeling excluded.
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    Travelgrrl 15 hr. ago If anything, she should have asked her first; 'Hey, I can get your $200 dress for $50! Would you like me to do that and you can have (or we can split) the other $150?!" and she would probably have gone for it. Asking her to pay the difference is just the worst.
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    Gnomie Ok4136 16 hr. ago Okay, I am a thrifty person. My own wedding dress was also used, so I absolutely support that. However, in this particular situation, YTA. You are blending families. This child is already stressed out and worried about what is coming. This makes her feel less important than your daughters and makes her fear for what the future holds. That really for her.
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    Rohini_rambles 16 hr. ago Buy her the new dress OR make sure you go and buy used dresses for your daughters. Simple. Otherwise you're just singling her out as less- than and her father should really assess whether this marriage is right.
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    JustAGirl704 · 16 hr. ago Is $150 worth the relationship between you and your step daughter? If it is to you, then go ahead. People remember how you make them feel. She will remember for the rest of her life how you make her feel. And over $150? Pst
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    • Laines_Ecossaises 16 hr. ago YTA You are thinking like an adult trying to save some money instead of a 15 year old. I mean you are leaning right into the Cinderella evil step-mother trope. Giving your 2 girls new things and she gets used, good-
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    enough, thrifted clothes. I get the urge to save some bucks but you've made Kiki feel like she's less-than and that and is a really crappy way to start a marriage and your step- parenting relationship.
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    Zestyclose_Bird_742 15 hr. ago Everyone saying Nta is thinking like a grown up on the outside not a 15 year old whose outnumbered by her dads new family and the first real family event the stepsisters and even moms friends get everything new and you
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    don't just to save some money I mean her dad has 2 new daughters now too so she's the oldest the cheapest and wondering if this is gonna be life from now on sister getting new things and her getting
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    cheaper used cuz it "looks fine" you might have done a very small thing in your mind but you just told that little girl she had to pay to be treated the same in her eyes even on her dads wedding day

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