“AI Companion” My Foot
I’m not even being harsh here. Moflin - made by Japanese company Vanguard Industries and distributed through Casio - doesn’t walk, talk, crawl, or do anything remotely resembling intelligence. It emits random squeaky noises and wiggles its head.
That’s not AI. That’s a very very boring toy.
And before anyone says, “But it’s learning your emotions!” - no, it’s not. It doesn’t have facial recognition, voice analysis, or any real behavioral learning system. There’s no neural net. No “personality evolution.” It’s just a pattern of random responses mapped to simple sensors.
You pet it? It squeaks.
You ignore it? It squeaks differently.
You charge it? Guess what - it squeaks again.
Apparently that’s worth $400.
Furby Could Literally Do More - in 1998
I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but we owe Furby an apology.
Furby - that demonic owl-gremlin hybrid from the late ’90s - could actually learn English, remember interactions, sing, dance, sleep, eat, and even interact with other Furbys.
That was 30 years ago.
This thing, Moflin, is a downgrade. It’s like someone said, “What if we took all the fun, interactivity, and personality out of Tamagotchi - and charged 400 bucks for it?”
They’re marketing it as a “living being with emotional depth.” Bro, it’s a stuffed potato with a squeaker inside.
Are you kidding me?!
Oh, and There’s a Subscription Service
You thought it couldn’t get worse?
There’s a subscription.
For ¥6,600 a year (around $45 USD), you can join the Moflin Membership Club, which offers an almost comically thorough suite of services for your “AI pet.”
We’re talking health check-ups (for “maintenance and malfunctions”), a salon for “fur touch-ups,” and - my personal favorite - a “Revival Service” that will resurrect your lost Moflin, provided you had the foresight to back up its “data” on the MofLife app.
Let that sink in.
You’re paying an annual fee for your squeaky hairball to get spa treatments and the promise of reincarnation.
Is this real life?
The AI Hype Is Out of Control
Here’s what really gets me - this isn’t just a dumb toy. It’s a symptom of a much bigger problem.
We’ve reached a point where you can slap “AI” on anything - a lamp, a toothbrush, a furry potato - and people will nod and go, “Oh wow, it’s learning.”
No, it’s not.
It’s a single motor covered in fur.
Tech reviewers are out here doing full videos on Moflin like it’s some revolutionary moment in robotics instead of saying what we’re all thinking: it’s a squeaky plush ball marketed as Skynet.
This is what the AI boom has done to us - we’ve become so desensitized that intelligence now means “Squeaks when you touch it.”
I’m Selling an AI Rock Now
You know what? Fine.
I’m getting in on this.
I’m launching the AI Rock™ - it has over 50 million unique personalities (that you invent in your own imagination while paying me $500 a year). It’s emotionally complex, infinitely sustainable, and guaranteed to squeak less than Moflin.
No batteries. No firmware updates. No fake companionship.
Just you, your rock, and your regrets.
Oh right… and it has lots of AI in it, trust me.
So yeah, I’m done.
Moflin isn’t the future of AI. It’s the future of marketing - a fuzzy little reminder that we’ll buy absolutely anything as long as it squeaks and someone whispers “machine learning” into our ear while showing us a pastel-colored promo video.
I’m out.
Go buy your stupid toy here. Oh wait, you can't because it's sold out because nothing makes sense anymore.
