'My coworkers have a group chat without me': Employee confronts team for intentionally leaving him out of the loop after new coworker accidentally shows him the group chat

No matter how old you are, the fear of missing out never goes away.

I know I'm not the only person who viscerally remembers frantically searching for a free seat in the cafeteria at lunch in middle school. That feeling sticks with you, as does choosing teams in gym class and classmates in group projects. The truth of the matter is that it's not easy to find your people in that stage of life, but it's also not easy to find your people later in life as well. 

When you're a part of a system or institution like a school or university, the people with whom you spend your time do not necessarily need to be your closest friends, but it certainly helps if you have a group of folks with whom you can commiserate, laugh, cry, and have fun. It can make the sometimes excruciating experience of being in said system all the more worth it.

This experience does not end in school. It applies to the professional, post-education life experience, too. Sure, you don't have to be best friends with your coworkers, but you do want to get along with them enough to make the experience of working more collaborative, fruitful, and bearable.

Unfortunately for this employee, he discovered that he was the odd man out of a social group that seemed to include every coworker on his team save for him.

Author image for Ben Weiss Ben Weiss
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  • It's possible that this man's coworkers had their reasons for leaving him out of the group chat at first. Maybe the chat was smaller to begin with. Maybe it was never intended to include every team member except for him. It could have expanded to the point that these folks assumed he was in the chat when he wasn't. 

    This, of course, would be the most generous interpretation of the coworkers' behavior. I wish it were the case, but if we're being honest with ourselves, it probably wasn't. When one person is absent from a group that they otherwise should be associated with, it's safe to assume that one of the reasons could be that they were talking trash about him in that chat behind that person's back. 

    Sure, it's easy to dismiss the author's suspicions as residual paranoia from his middle school days, but in reality, he has plenty of reason to be upset.

  • 01

    "I found out my coworkers have a group chat without me and it explained everything"

    I've worked at the same place for almost five years and I genuinely thought I was well liked. I show up on time, do my job, help when asked, keep my head down. I'm
    via cyberyeeted
  • 02
    not loud or dramatic, just consistent. Last week a newer coworker accidentally showed me something on his phone and I saw a group chat with almost everyone from work in it. Jokes, plans, memes, complaining about management. I wasn't in it.
    via cyberyeeted
  • 03
    At first I tried to brush it off, but once I noticed it, I couldn't unsee it. Conversations that suddenly stopped when I walked in. Inside jokes I was clearly missing. After- work plans that everyone somehow knew about except me.
    via cyberyeeted
  • 04
    What really hurt was realizing this wasn't new. This had been going on for years while I thought I was part of the team. No one excluded me aggressively or said anything mean, I was just quietly left out.
    via cyberyeeted
  • 05
    I went home feeling stupid for how much effort I put into being a good coworker, thinking it mattered. It's messed with my confidence more than I expected
    via cyberyeeted
  • 06
    because I don't know what I did wrong, or if I did anything wrong at all. I still go to work, still do my job, but something shifted. It's hard to care the same way when you realize you were never really included, just tolerated.
    via cyberyeeted
  • 07
    A group of businesspeople laugh while talking on break in an office.
    via Unsplash+ (Getty Images)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 08
    TheGuiltyMan1414 Everyone's commenting that coworkers are not your friends, and while I do generally echo the sentiment, I do understand your disappointment because being in an environment where it feels like everyone is against you is one of the worst feelings ever. If you feel like you need to change jobs, then I think you should, but if you're happy with your job and you're making good money there, don't let this fact deter you from doing what you need to do to get by.
    via cyberyeeted
  • 09
    lamien It's really easy to fail a "vibe check" so don't beat yourself up.
    via cyberyeeted
  • 10
    Best-Towel5796 Treat them as they treat you. This fucking sucks & I'm sorry
    via cyberyeeted
  • 11
    lovely_orchid_ My coworkers added me to a group chat and I muted it. They aren't my friends. I am civil but I am not into being chummy outside work. Show up, do your job and be civil.
    via cyberyeeted
  • 12
    The WorldNeeds Dornep I was just in a fairly public place and a woman I know was handing out Christmas cards. I wasn't on her list. It felt strange not to be included. A small thing but I know how you feel.
    via cyberyeeted
  • 13
    Shadowtirs So as someone who was on the inside of a work Discord channel exactly like that, and now out of it, I wouldn't sweat it. It's such a high school, cliquey cringe bullshit thing to do. I regret a lot of what I said/did in mine. I own that. Bottom line is that a lot of people are obviously unhappy with their work, so miserable people band together to vent or take out frustration on scapegoats in order to deflect from a deeper unhappiness. You're actually a level above them by not being i
    via cyberyeeted
  • 14
    Deportivo76ers co workers are never really real friends treat it as such
    via cyberyeeted
  • 15
    tehana02 You said the chat has almost everyone on from work on it. Does that mean you're not the only coworker who wasn't included in it? Approx how many people are in the chat vs how many left out?
    via cyberyeeted
  • 16
    Madame_Deadly I worked at the same company for over 10 years, and everybody was hanging out with each other, more so without me, they even got candid group shots taken in matching outfits at a department store. I honestly thought we were all friends, considering they'd come over for parties and game nights. Sorry you were left out, too. Now, I firmly believe it's better not to form friendships with coworkers.
    via cyberyeeted
  • 17
    pleasekillmerightnow It was the opposite for me, I removed myself from their chat and never felt so free. No more notifications and no more over involvement. I was burning myself out.
    via cyberyeeted

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