'I [found] exactly what my boyfriend wanted to’: Boyfriend of 5 Years Demands Open-Relationship and Girlfriend Reluctantly Agrees, She Finds True Love and He Can't Even Get 1 Date

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    "He wanted an open relationship... I felt so unlovable. But within a day I had my first date and it turned out a lot of guys liked me...”
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    AITAHfor finding exactly what my boyfriend wanted to find in an open relationship
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    Me (31F) and my then boyfriend, now ex Matt(31m) split up about 6/7 months ago. We were together for 6 years and up until the 5th year I thought we were verry happy. Sure we had our problems. I am not so good at cleaning and he wanted me to do more in the household (we did some things together and I cooked but most stuff were done by him, I worked more than him and not from home) I wanted to spend more time together.
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    We never went to bed at the same time and except for watching a movie during dinner (only his picks, I never got to pick a movie only on my birthday) he would be gaming all the time and I would just do my own thing. But other than that I thought we were good. Until 1 day before my birthday. I came home from my friend's house and he sat me down and told me: he wanted an open relationship, he loved me but he thought that there was someone out there that he could love more and that person could mak
  • 05
    felt something was missing and he was feeling like this for 3 months now (we talked about getting engaged in these months) he talked about this with his best friend "Emily" (childhood friends). Now I have always had the feeling he kind of had a crush on her but mostly she just wanted to split us up (everybody that knows her doesn't like her and say she does everything for drama and didn't want to share her friends). So when I heard she kept telling him all the amazing things about an open relati
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    months (I was not allowed to read any of it). I already was in therapy because I was not doing well and this just broke me. I kept begging him to stay with me(stupid I know), that if he does love me then what is the problem? But I would not go for an open relationship. We talked the whole month (one of my worst birthday, I couldn't stop crying) and decided to work on the relationship by figuring out what it was he missed, see if it was something we could work on or not. So I found relationship e
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    3 months go by, it did not get better. I broke only more, by hearing almost daily how I am not enough, how he wants an open relationship, thinks there is someone better. It turned out he didn't do any of the exercises. When I had enough and was too broken to go on, told him I was close to breaking up with him, he said: you would never break up with me, you love me too much.
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    I said: ok fine, let's just do the open relationship for 3 months. We can both figure out what it is that is missing and if someone would make us happier. We made rules and after the 3 months we would close it and see if we would stay together or not. I felt so unlovable. But within a day I had my first date and it turned out a lot of guys liked me. I went out with some and they treated me so nice, I
  • 09
    felt beautiful again and I liked to dress up and go to places. He could not get a single date (HA) so he got mad at me. And started telling me the only reason I got dates was because I am a woman and that's it. While all this was happening my friend James (32m) was going through the same thing with his girlfriend (she wanted to have the open relationship, told him she was better than him) we really helped each other during all these
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    months and (Maybe out of anger to our partners) we decide at one point to become friends with benefits. But, we fell in love. Love I had never felt. I found what M says he was looking for. J is so nice and sweet, tells me everyday that he loves me and cant believe he is with me. The moment I found out I loved J I broke up with M. if I can love someone else I didn't love the first guy anymore. I didn't tell him about my love for J( why put salt in the wound) but told him all the things we talked
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    6 months later me and J are moving in together so I asked M to come pick up his last tings. He started crying when he was here and told me I am a terrible person that I moved on so fast after 6 years. I made him feel he didn't mean anything to me and how could I do this to him. He talked about this for 2 hours. He didn't let me speak and then begged me to take him back.
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    He knows how to make me doubt myself and make me feel like a terrible person, which I do. I feel absolute terrible for moving on so fast. I know I hurt him deeply by it. So AITAH for moving on so fast and basically finding what he was looking for in the open relationship?
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    Grave-mortal666 Congrats on finding love and happiness! Sounds like your ex was just salty that he couldn't get any dates in the open relationship. Don't let his pity party bring you down.
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    Nightshade_69Realm Sounds like "Emily" was secretly writing the plot for a soap opera. Glad you found someone who treats you better!
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    99percentCat . When a relationship ends. There are no rules or laws when a new one can start. Whether it's the next day or 10 years from now. He's just insecure and miserable and projecting those insecurities onto you. You really want to be 60 and deal with his ? You dodged a bullet.
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    forgiveprecipitation A man who can't let you pick movies (only on your birthday? ) this does sound like a bad relationship already. Glad you moved on
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    Pallor_Paradise3 . Looks like you found a love that's actually open to the idea of being in a committed relationship! Good for you, girl. Maybe Matt should have taken those relationship exercises a little more seriously.
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    Eternal-Gloom69 "Looks like you found a solution to your open relationship dilemma: just find someone better and leave your ex in the dust. Way to go, OP!"
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    OfficeExtra8514 Absolutely love this for you! No need to feel bad. He's just upset you got what he was actually looking for. He definitely wouldn't be crying and carrying on this way if he had have found someone else.
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    Technical_Pumpkin_65 . Why people continue to ask opening their relationship when we know how it will end it?! You lost your love for him before opening the relationship, he was the one who treat you badly for months and ruined anything that will be saved. Don't allow him to spread his cheat on you ever again,cut him in his monologue, and expose how dumb and easily persuaded by
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    his supposed bff Emily when he force the open relationship! Everybody hates her because everybody can see through her manipulation expect him that's why he will always be alone if he don't work on himself. Tell him to go on therapy and improve himself rather blaming everyone, he is the one who push you away now you will not feel sorry to find love! And good for you to have found love! I wish you both happiness
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    Nora Fae 2d ago You were NOT in an open relationship. You were in an abusive one. I am myself a non- monogamous person and let me tell you this. An OR is supposed to fall into ENM (Ethical non monogamy), for that to actually happen there needs to be real, consensual and enthusiastic interest from all parts implicated.
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    That did not apply to you. Your boyfriend bullied you and emotionally abused you and then pushed for an "open relationship" thinking you would not get what HE wanted to get cause "you loved him so much", that just implies that if he thought he could and wanted to get it it's because he DID NOT love you so much. Hate how scumbags use the excuse of open relationships and polyamory to abuse their partners and get their way.
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    I am glad you found someone who loves you like you deserve. Glad for him too. Enjoy your new relationship and screw that abusive You did nothing wrong girl, enjoy your new relationship!

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