'His budget looked like it was based on costs from the 90s': Prideful parents squander $300,000+ of their retirement funds because they refuse to listen to their experienced son-in-law

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Jesse Kessenheimer • Writer and Editor
Sep 26, 2024 9:00 AM EDT

This son-in-law reached his breaking point after his FIL and MIL refused to acknowledge his expertise at every turn. Although he was well-versed in financial advising, home building, and the cost of living in California, these old-fashioned Boomers from rural Missouri decided that they wanted to do things 'their way', losing everything in the process. 

We all want to help out our parents when they get older–we get it… things got complicated when computers got small enough to put in our pocket, but just because you've lived longer on this earth, doesn't mean you're up to date on the nuances of everything that's going on right now. Sadly, a lot of Boomers get caught in a weird echo chamber, believing the world is still like it was in 1990, as if you could still buy a house for $15,000, and every job has a pension. 

Sorry to break it to you guys, but that's just not the case anymore.

But after this young couple moved their family to some land on the outskirts of town, the parents made some hasty, thoughtless decisions that burned quickly through their savings, their retirement money, and the equity of their 'paid for' house. Perhaps they should have listened to the advice of their younger counterpart, but their snide astuteness cost them much more than just their pride.

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    ILLLI FOR SALE
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    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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    Boomer parents sell house and spend all of the money before buying a new one. Boomer Story
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    Back in 2016 my wife and I decided to buy vacant land about 3 hours from where we lived. The jobs were better there for both of us and we were sick and tired of our hometown. We were going to save for a few more years and build our forever home. We are
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    only children with the only grandchild and the grandparents were very active in our lives and our child's life. We offered them to go in with us on land and they could build a house too. My parents agreed. In laws said no because, "I just can't think that far ahead." We bought five acres with my parents.
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    Fast forward to 2020. We start building and move into a rental nearby. My in laws FREAK OUT. MIL starts crying that we can't take away their grandchild. They say it's unfair to move somewhere they can't afford to
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    move to. We remind them it's only a three hour drive away and that we gave them the chance to go in with us to make it affordable. (Because they didn't go in with us we didn't buy land zoned for three families).
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    A few weeks after we move, the in laws call us. They have a plan. They are going to sell their place which is completely paid off and buy a small plot of land an hour away from us in the mountains and put a manufactured home on it. This was going to be affordable because my FIL is a retired civil engineer and insisted he could be his own General contractor.
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    it Now. We had just built a house. We knew what a pain in the is and how unexpectedly expensive it is. Both the in laws were retired and we had recently found out that they had almost no savings (despite making low six
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    figures in a LCOL area for the last 25 years) and were living off of social security. We told them that they should keep their house that is paid off and just drive because this was going to be A LOT more expensive than they were planning.
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    FIL showed me his budget and it looked like it was based on building costs from the 90's. For example, our well and pump cost $25k. He had budgeted $5,000. When I pointed out his estimates were WAY too low he got mad and said I overpaid.
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    My FIL is extremely old fashioned and from rural Missouri. He still goes to the store or mechanic and tries to barter for services. True to form, my FIL found someone to buy their house for 75% of market value cash plus services. The guy was a contractor that put up
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    fences around dairies. I honestly have no idea how my FIL thought this guy would help but FIL insisted the man was very handy. That left them with $300,000 for this project. (This is California, so that's not a lot.) They bought the
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    mobile home for $150,000. That included a $20,000 discount because my FIL insisted he could set the home on the foundation and finish it (install carpets and doors and other things the company usually does) for less than that.
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    By my math, they actually had just barely enough for electric, trenching, septic, water, foundation, finishing, grading, and permits and fees. My FIL got bids for everything which all looked reasonable to me but he insisted that they were way too
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    high so he was going to wait for the market to come down. He did take the bid for the foundation though and got that poured. In the meantime he bought a fifth wheel to live on the property and my MIL moved in with a neighbor and lived in their fifth wheel.
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    FIL then went on what I can best describe as a spending bender. Anything he thought was a good deal that he could turn around and sell for more he bought. I showed up at his fifth wheel and there was just tons of there. Here is an incomplete list of things he bought:
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    • a used Cadillac SUV (he already had two cars) • hay storage that goes on the back of his horse trailer • 3 stoves that were open box from Lowes Slightly damaged cabinets from Lowe's
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    • 300 feet of steel pipe (for fencing?) • 6 gas powered generators • A used saddle • Tons of parts for his truck
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    The generators were because he refused to pay PGE the hook up fees because they would report him to the county and make him pay permit and school fees he was trying to avoid. So his idea was that he would constantly run
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    generators for power. When we pointed out they were loud, he had neighbors, and he couldn't run them over night for things like his fridge, he said, "I'll just push the fridge outside every night. It's pretty cold here."
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    After the mobile home arrived, he realized he needed to clear trees. He didn't want to pay a licensed contractor so he paid someone he met at the hardware store to do it. They dropped a massive tree on the foundation which shattered it. For reasons I still do
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    not understand, he put the mobile home up on blocks over the foundation before fixing it. He was now afraid to remove anymore trees so there is a giant tree three feet in front of their front door and the door cannot open all the way.
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    Meanwhile, my MIL also went on a shopping bender and bought all new furniture while doing nothing to help with the actual project. All she did was complain about what FIL was doing and how long it was taking.
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    Fast forward 2 years later. My MIL has had to move in with her sister and wants a divorce. My MIL asks me for help finishing the project so she can sell it and get her share. I meet with my FIL and tell him I'm gonna get some
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    contractors up here to finish the job. I was informed they still had $90k in the building fund. I called all my contractors and I got bids and we could just barely get everything paid for except permits and fees for that amount because my friends were cutting
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    me a deal (they built my house and I gave them several referrals). So I ask to see the money before my friends start the project and guess what, they only have $5k left. Five. From $150,000. I asked where the money went and FIL said he spent it on the construction
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    project. He said he bought the special sand you need for electrical trenching (for example) then showed me the "special sand". It was run of the mill DG. Someone fleeced him and he paid 6k for a couple cubic yards
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    of it. The steel pipe he said was for a horse fence. He said he met a woman at the grocery store who wanted to board her horse somewhere and agreed to do it with him. His zoning does not allow horses.
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    I asked my MIL for the bank statements on the building account for the last couple of years. I start going through it and he was using it like a debit card. Paid for his car insurance, trips to the liquor store (he was drinking ungodly amounts of alcohol),
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    even just buying donuts. He had spent it all. My MIL was furious. I said, "you had access to this the whole time, you could have checked what he was doing!" I called my FIL and chewed him out for spending all the money on
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    useless and wasting my contractor's time. I said you spent the money for your home and now neither of you have anywhere to live. I was furious because this is a man that I care about and now he is effectively homeless and my MIL was now
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    living in a one bedroom apartment with her sister and nephew. He got mad, said none of that was true and stopped talking to us. He sent an email to everyone else in the family telling them that I am a huge among other things. He even reached out to my wife expecting her to take his side (she did not).
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    He is now estranged to us. He still lives in the fifth wheel on the lot without electricity and every November when it gets cold he calls/texts/emails us saying that he is ready to finish the house now but he needs to borrow money. I had to go up there to get
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    some of my MILs stuff and it looks like a drug den. Bottles and cans everywhere. Garbage everywhere. Tons of weather damage to the mobile home because it's not sealed and finished. Piles of junk everywhere
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    (steel pipe and DG!). The Cadillac is up on blocks because he wrecked it and he is trying to fix it himself. Oh and the carpet and cabinets and doors and everything were still not installed and rotting in weather (he's above snow line).
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    MIL still lives with her sister and has no plan for when her sister (who is much older and sick) dies. She occasionally hints at moving in with us but that's a non starter for a million reasons.
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    Broken-Digital-Clock You: Let's move somewhere so that we can all live happily together. Here is a well thought out plan. Parents: Let's use this as an opportunity to destroy our lives!
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    XX609s-hartXx It's the recipe for a perfect storm. Being old, stubborn and an engineer...
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