Mother bans adult daughter from family Thanksgiving after she refuses to host the event: 'I made it very clear she needed to stay true to her word and if she dumped it on someone else she wouldn't be going to Thanksgiving'
Hosting events is a lot of work; there's a house to be cleaned, food to be prepped, and a lot of general setup that needs to be taken care of. When it's family, it's even more so to do—it's probably a good idea to hide the things your family won't approve of and save yourself the judgment.
Family hosting schedules help to ease the burden of any one person having to host too often, and the reality is that for a member of the family to drop from hosting duties places a disproportionate amount of responsibility on the other members of the family to host additional events.
The problem is this assumes that each member of the family is equally able to host in the first place. The reality is this is never the case. Some people, usually older members of the family, have homes with more space for hosting more people and the space to store the things necessary for hosting a large family. Many of us, particularly in our younger adult years, live in spaces that we'd be horrified to let our family into.
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Image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Image is for illustration only and subjects are models.
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The other thing that is probably contributing to the generational divide and lack of understanding here is that when the mother was her daughter's age, she was probably in a far better position to host family and events. This is presumptive, but previous generations were able to buy houses and move into their own spaces far earlier in life than those now in their 20s and 30s are able to. Whereas our parents had families, we have adult roommates who we can hardly expect to put up with our entire family—even if we own the home.
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They often also did this on one income, with the other spouse not working at all and devoting their time solely to household matters. This made hosting events all that much easier without a full-time job to worry about. Show me families that can afford to do this in modern times.
It's hard to say with the perspective and information the mother provided in her post, but we know that the daughter has just moved into her new place (I'd still consider July to be recent, given the way this year is going). As a result, I'd conjecture that the daughter is hardly in the wrong here. As one commenter noted, it's a bit sad to see the mother putting the responsibilities of hosting family holidays above the point of the holidays themselves. Besides, normally, it takes far worse behaviors to get someone banned from family gatherings.
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