‘I'm not an atm so please don't message me if you just intend on asking for money’: Childhood friend Miley reconnects only to ask for small cash “emergencies” until a clear boundary ends her demands routine

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Etai Eshet • Editor
Sep 10, 2025 5:00 PM EDT

A childhood friendship gets downgraded to a cash machine when check-ins start sounding like transaction prompts, and care gets measured in $5 to $15 increments with "I'll pay you back" as the hold music. The history isn't clean or cozy: shared poverty, messy housing, stolen basics, and a break that only healed enough for small talk and small loans. Reconnection turns into a pattern where most conversations arrive with a price tag, and the dread sets in before the notification finishes buzzing. Saying no isn't cruel here, it's basic maintenance of a budget and a boundary, especially when "how are you" keeps arriving with a Venmo handle tucked behind it.

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  • AITA for telling a childhood friend not to message me if it's to ask for money?

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  • For context I've know Miley since I was 7 and she was 8 we both grew up poor.
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  • When I turned 18 I lived with her for a few months and paid rent to her dad but moved out because my stuff was getting stolen.
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  • I moved back in with her about a year later cause my sister kicked me out of our mom's house(long story) but then got kicked out of her house because I reacted childishly after having more of my stuff stolen (things that would be stolen include food, weed, and even underwear all that I paid for).
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  • After that we stopped talking. About 2 years ago we started talking again and filled eachother in on our lives, I had gotten on my feet and landed a job that finally paid me enough to afford my own apartment and allow me to save money.
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  • After hanging out once to catch up she started asking for money always $5-$15 and the reasons would vary.
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  • At first I'd give her money, I never intended to be paid back because I know how unlikely it is but she did always insist on paying me back( she never actually did she would just insist that she would).
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  • In the past 2 years we've spoken about 10 times and 6 or 7 of those times were her asking for money because of one thing or another, at one point she had a and needed a couple of bucks for a medication.
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  • The other 3 or 4 times we spoke were because 1 of her exs taxted me so I asked her why he was doing that, once was because I was low on money and had reached out(she was unable to help which I understood), and the other times it was saying happy_insert holiday._
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  • In the past year we've only talked like 4 Tim's and every single time went the exact same.
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  • Miley: hey, how ya been? Would you be able to give me $5-$15 because _insert her current life problem._
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  • Then I'd either say yes or no depending on my own financial situation.
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  • As it went on I dreaded talking to her cause I didn't want to have to give up money or feel bad for not giving her money.
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  • After the most recent time she asked for money I finally told her to stop talking to me if she was just gonna treat me like an atm.
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  • Obviously she got mad and accused me of not caring about her.
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  • This is the boring truth friendships run on. Consistency matters more than crises. If contact only happens when there’s a bill due, that’s not connection, it’s collections. Sympathy isn’t the same as sponsorship, and compassion doesn’t scale just because someone else’s emergency keeps renewing. Small asks add up in money and in headspace, they convert every reply into a guilt fork between overspending, refusing, or ghosting. Boundaries aren’t a verdict on someone’s worth, they’re a decision about what a relationship is for. If the vibe is ATM, state it clearly, once, and stop negotiating with the discomfort that follows. 

  • This was the message I sent for clarity.
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  • Hey man I love ya but I'm trying to work on building my savings back up after having to drain it dealing with life sh so I can't give you any money.
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  • It also comes off like you see me as an atm when you only message me so you can ask for money.
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  • I hope you're doing well in life and continue to do well but if you're only interested in talking to me if you need money I'd rather we just not talk.
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  • I mean that in the nicest way possible.
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  • I'm not mad or anything and truly don't care about getting paid back.
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  • It just puts me in a weird position of having to either spend money that I'm already budgeting pretty tightly, having to turn you down, or having to ignore your messages all together.
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  • In the past year we've talked 4 times and every single time it's because you need money.
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  • Like I said, I truly do wish you all the best, that being said though I'm not an atm so please don't message me if you just intend on asking for money.
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  • I didn't like it when Tiffany did it to me when I was 17 and I don't like it now.
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  • Am I the ah le for that and for no longer really having sympathy for her since she o lying messages me when something is wrong and she needs money to fix it?
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  • No is a full sentence, and it protects both the savings account and the part of the mind that can still like a person without funding them. Friends who only arrive with needs will call limits unkind, that doesn’t make limits wrong. The clean way forward stays simple: wish well, opt out of the cash loop, and make room for relationships built on conversation that isn’t a cover charge.

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