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Dad gives daughter a kiss on the cheek.
The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.
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This guy shared that he and his wife, 38, have been married for 11 years. They have a 7 and a 9 year old together. They've built a life together — he works full time, while she's doing online college courses, and working part time.
What's bothering her husband is this:
She has ADHD and anxiety and, if I'm being honest, sometimes it feels like our entire lives revolve around her symptoms.
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Woman stands by gas pump.
The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.
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Next, he shares that his wife had some Friday night plans. On her day off, she drove to visit her sister nearly an hour away. For some reason, she declined to tell her family members this, leading her husband to be surprised when she suddenly called him:
She didn't tell me she was going so I was very surprised when she called me shortly after noon. She was obviously upset when I answered and between sobs I was able to make out that there was an issue with the car. Eventually, she calmed down and told me that she ran out of gas "in the middle of nowhere" and didn't know what to do.
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Woman waits around for her husband to assist her.
The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.
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So that was quite a big surprise to this guy! He didn't even know his wife was going to visit her sister to the day, leaving him “very confused” and with a lot of questions. Asking her these questions, according to him, just made her spiral out even more.
I totally get why the husband would be frustrated like this. It's often far easier to spot other people's problems and point them out, even offering solutions, than it is for that person to take action to change it. You probably know this from your own friend or family group: there's always one person who's chronically late, or super forgetful. They start to become known for this one trait, which they seemingly have 0 desire or ability to change. It can be so frustrating for everyone around them, but the way these mental health issues work means that change doesn't come quickly or easily.
Next, after the frustration built between these 2,
She told me she needed me to come help her. I told her I was at work and had meetings in the afternoon that I couldn't skip.
I suggested she call her sister, but she went to work after my wife visited and my wife didn't want to bother her. I suggested she call AAA to come help but she said she didn't know how to do that. I suggested she call an Uber but she was in the middle of nowhere and didn't show any cars available. I suggested she call a friend or someone else that might be able to help and she yelled at me to "Just come fu&$ing help her." -
Man at work covers his face in frustration.
The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.
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See why this guy is frustrated?
He offered her 4 perfectly valid solutions, most of which would've been faster than him leaving work and driving to her. Why is she so averse to calling her sister to help? An Uber would be pricey, but if you don't have AAA, I'm not sure what else you would do besides wait for them or a tow truck.
Your spouse is supposed to be your equal. They're supposed to show up for you no matter what. But when you're constantly needing their help, it puts them in more of a caregiver or parent role, and that can really wear thin.
The husband states that he stayed calm, apologized for not being able to help her more, but once again repeated his boundary that he couldn't just up and leave his workplace to help her.
She then hung up on me. My first meeting of the afternoon was starting in 5 minutes so I tried calling her back and she didn't answer. I kept trying to text her during my meeting too but she never responded. I tried calling again between my meeting and still no answer. Which I admit p-ssed me off because even if I was trying to come help at that point I couldn't reach her.
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Happy group of girls leaving school for the day while wearing their backpacks.
The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.
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This is unfortunate…
She is the one who picks up our kids from school so I was kind of fr--king out at this point because I was completely in the dark about whether I would need to get them or if my wife was OK. So, I called the school and asked them to please let me know if my wife comes to get the kids because I can't reach her. I didn't include any details about why. The school called me back at pick-up time and told me that my wife was there for pickup.
This Dad cares about the kids, and he's trying to care for his wife, but it's obvious that their relationship is under strain from all this.
He goes on to say that by nightfall, his wife was refusing to talk to him at all. It went on like that for a full weekend, even though he repeatedly apologized.
Finally, this morning she spoke to me but all she said was "I can't count on you anymore."
Did I really mess up that bad?
What do we think? Did he do anything that wrong by giving her options and refusing to pick her up in the middle of his own workday?
What if he was putting his job on the line by leaving?
I think he and the wife need to have a deeper discussion about her dependency on him.
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