Update: 31-year-old Venmo-requests $800 from friend after being abandoned in the middle of a road trip

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  • Woman smiles before climbing into car for a road trip.
  • Am I wrong for charging my friend $800 after she left me 4 hours from home?

    Becky (31F) and I (31F) have been best friends for 20 years. In high school, we became close with Ryan and Daniel, and the four of us did everything together. Becky has always been fixated on Ryan. If he
  • liked a girl, she would tear her apart or make passive aggressive comments until it was uncomfortable. When he had girlfriends, she would openly criticize them and act like they weren't good. enough for him.
  • Eventually, she started doing the same thing to me. She would make comments to downplay my friendship with Ryan or subtly compare us, like she needed to prove she mattered more. It felt competitive for no
  • reason, but I ignored it for years. Fast forward to Ryan's wedding last month. Becky and I drove together and shared a hotel. The passive aggressive comments started again. She said I
  • would not even be at the wedding if it was not for her, even saying things like that in front of other people. Later, in the hotel, she complained that Ryan did not spend enough time with her. She actually
  • said, "Sorry to you and Daniel, but he should at least want to spend time with me." After years of this, I snapped and said, "What a weird thing to say out loud."
  • She immediately escalated and said, "Oh what? You really think that Ryan and I aren't better friends?" and brought up that he asked her to help design the engagement ring.
  • I said, "I don't care who's closer, but it's weird that you care this much. It's not our fault you're in love with him." She stormed out and, instead of coming back, she drove off and left me stranded four hours away with no way to get back.
  • The next morning I couldn't rent a car because I only had a debit card, so my only option was a same day flight back to where I live across the country, which cost $800.
  • I sent her an angry text and a Venmo request. She hasn't responded and we haven't spoken in a month. I'll admit saying she's in love with him was harsh, and the text I sent after was not my best moment.
  • We're supposed to talk tomorrow. AITA?
  • Women smile and laugh while sitting in the back seat of a car together.
  • Here's the update!

    I wanted to address some common questions/comments first. 4 hours vs across the country: I'm in the US and flew from the west coast to the east coast. We wanted extra time together since we don't
  • see each other often, so I flew into my hometown (about 4 hours from the wedding) instead of somewhere closer. "This sounds like teenager drama": Totally fair. I think that's part of why I snapped. It felt like,
  • "are we really still doing this at 30?" It's also a sign I should've addressed this sooner. Rental car issue: I was told I couldn't use a debit card unless I had a license from that state.
  • Otherwise, it had to be a credit card. No credit card: I had debt in my early 20s, which is long paid off, but I've avoided credit cards since. This situation made me realize I should have one for emergencies.
  • Why not bus/train: I looked into it. Neither would've gotten me back in time for my return flight. A train home would've taken almost 3 days and cost about the same. My options were flying out of the closest airport or trying to get
  • back to my original airport 4 hours away. Either way, I needed a same-day flight. Venmo request: I sent it out of anger. I told her later I don't expect her to pay me back.
  • Now for the update. We had the call, and it wasn't productive. I apologized for what I said and that it was below the belt, especially the "in love with Ryan" comment. I acknowledged it was hurtful and told her I
  • wouldn't say things like that again. I apologized for the text and Venmo request, explained they came from anger, and made it clear I don't expect her to pay me back.
  • I explained that her comments have been a long-standing pattern I never addressed but should have. When I brought up being left stranded, she didn't acknowledge it at all and became defensive. She started crying and asked
  • if we could "just go back to how things were." I told her I didn't think that was possible. After the call, I realized this isn't something we can come back from. I'm willing to work through a lot, especially when I
  • have a role in things, but the lack of remorse or even acknowledgment for leaving me stranded made that clear. As many said, this hasn't been a real friendship for a while. It wasn't always like this, but over time the
  • dynamic shifted in ways I kept overlooking or brushing off instead of addressing. I think I held onto it because of the history. During the month we didn't talk, I actually felt at peace, which says a lot.
  • I realized that not dealing. with her behavior earlier probably contributed to it becoming a more explosive conflict than it would have been if I had addressed it sooner.
  • I appreciate the honest feedback. I'm still sad about letting go of a friendship I cared about, but I know I'll be okay.
  • Friends travel on a road trip together, consulting a map for directions.

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