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16 Funny & Relatable Tweets That'll Take Your Brain On Vacation

  • 1
    Text - tomsauced Retweeted unanimated corpse @davidkenny100 I grew up just a stone's throw away from where that whole family died of mysterious head injuries 16/02/2017, 16:22 428 RETWEETS 832 LIKES
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  • 2
    Text - Kyle Patrick @kyry5 first day on the job as a drug dealer] *giggles* "We don't have coke, is Pepsi ok?" *gets stabbed* 12/12/2015, 22:18
  • 3
    Text - brent @murrman5 we'll miss everything about brent except his pranks they were the worst [hears everyone at my funeral agree and I shift nervously in casket] 20/04/2017, 17:23 4,019 Retweets 11.3K Likes
  • 4
    Text - cory Following @_coryrichardson [getting my daughter her first piñata] daughter: "excited* omg i love unicorns do i get to keep it me: no *hands her bat* you have to beat it with this
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  • 5
    Product - NBC News @NBCNEWS NBC NEWS Amazon will now deliver inside your home and record the whole thing Zon nrewe amazon amazon u0zenn Geraldine @everywhereist *order pjs on Amazon *go to bed wake to someone putting pjs on me Me: WHAT IN THE HOLY- Amazon employee: SHHHHHH, this is part of Prime now
  • 6
    Text - Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes Ihate spelling errors. You mix up two letters and your whole post is urined
  • 7
    Text - Waterboarding at Guantanamo bay sounds like an awesome time if you don't know what either of those things are
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  • 8
    Text - eyes wide butt protector of Barron and Christ @eyeswidebutt [dinner table] gfs dad: so what do you do for a living me: human trafficking "he chokes gf: he's a crossing guard dad
  • 9
    Text - keet @KeetPotato doc: "your dad's been in a coma for 9 days, we're running out of ideas" me: "let me try" [goes to adjust thermostat] dad: [opens one eyel 7/13/15, 8:57 AM 3,450 RETWEETS 6,630 FAVORITES
  • 10
    Text - Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction. So Ipacked up my stuff and right.
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  • 11
    Text - Pitch @pitchjokes new lacroix flavors! -transported in a truck near bananas -hint of hint of lime -single skittle dissolved in water -shy watermelon -imagine like, a strawberry but with low battery 6/13/18, 1:30 PM
  • 12
    Green - Mom said you have to let me use the Xbox DEUTSCHER RADIORREIS Reshorpehn ww Barcelo PORA
  • 13
    Water - jessica @jesscont527 I was today years old when I found out the bottom of a Gatorade frost bottle is made to hold the cap FFRAIS Natea 140 TE TELLE
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  • 14
    Text - emily smith @manic pixie Follow Today at #DnD club, three 13-yr-olds defeated the monster by asking him how he was feeling, and then sitting him down to a group therapy session. They were on about 3hp each, out of spell slots and healing potions, and they beat the monster with the Power of Empathy 3:30 AM-1 Aug 2018 505 Retweets 1,337 Likes 25 t 505 1.3K
  • 15
    Text - Paul @paulludwig Yeah, sex is great but have you ever gotten to the airport with plenty of time to eat, pee, buy a magazine & bottle of water, have a beer, pee again and charge your phone?
  • 16
    Text - Mira Gonzalez @miragonz in some personal news, im thrilled to announce that im tired all day no matter how much sleepiget
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  • 17
    Text - ed @li peroni some of us didn't run in PE @NicholasMaruma Aegon Targaryen Some of you haven't ran since PE
  • 18
    Text - Shen the Bird @Shen_the_Bird me: what does ama mean friend: ask me anything me: what does ama mean
  • 19
    Text - Mike Primavera @primawesome I'm an adult, and I can eat whatever I want whenever I want, and I wish someone would take this power from me.
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  • 20
    Face - ABC News @ABC 13-year-old Arizona boy who miraculously survived being struck by lightning says he's now waiting for his "powers" to kick in abcn.ws/2Blzq0m Albert Baratheon @BrokenRev I don't blame him
  • 21
    Text - Jake Visser @jvis10 How lazy are you? Jacoby @jakePsmith Irewash clean clothes I'm not ready to fold yet

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