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15 Stunned Doctors Share Stories Of Their Dumbest Patients

The amount of dumb in this post is LEGENDARY. You can't cure stupid, but you can help it find its way in this crazy game of life. Thankfully we have patient doctors around to help the cause. 

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  • 1
    Skin - I once had a 20-year-old patient who didn't know that having sex would lead to pregnancy. She had no idea.
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  • 2
    Text - A woman came in for a baby check with her 6- month-old and she had what looked like chocolate milk in the baby's bottle. So he started explaining to her as kindly as he could that she shouldn't be giving her baby chocolate milk. At which point she interrupts him and says, 'Oh that isn't chocolate milk. It's coffee! He just loves it!"
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  • 3
    Text - Pediatric nurse here. I've told more than one parent that their infant should not be drinking Dr. Pepper out of their bottle.
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  • 4
    Text - "I had a patient come in for an STD check. She was very upset and continued to tell me that she only had one partner. Progressing through my assessment, she further divulged that even if he was sleeping with other people it shouldn't matter 'because he uses a condom every time and he makes sure to wash it thoroughly after every use."
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  • 5
    Physician - I once had to use the word dick instead of penis because the patient did not know the proper term for his genitalia.
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  • 6
    Text - Had a lady who measured her baby's temperature by pre-heating the oven and putting one hand in front of it while the other hand was on the baby's forehead. She told the nurse her baby's fever was about 250 degrees.
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  • 7
    Medical procedure - Have had to inform a few male patients that the condom only goes on the shaft and should not be pulled down to cover the testicles.
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  • 8
    Text - Lady has to have foot amputated and is given waiver forms to sign pre-op. Buddy asks if she needs time to think about it. She's very nonchalant and doesn't seem to care much what they do. He gets suspicious and probes a bit as to why she's not more concerned. She says she gets that they have to operate and it's OK because the foot will grow back.
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  • 9
    Stethoscope - Had to explain to a 27-year- old female that this bleeding she was having for a week every month was normal and why. She had two children.
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  • 10
    Text - I had a couple who had been trying to conceive for over two years. I asked all the usual questions, how often do you have sex, any previous pregnancy, etc etc. Something seemed off to me during the consult, so I continued to ask questions. Finally I asked if he ejaculated while inserted into the vagina. Both parties looked confused.Turns out the couple was not having insertional sex at all. I had to awkwardly explain to them how insertional sex works. Diagrams were required.
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  • 11
    Job - Had a young woman pick up her nuvaring (a ring inserted vaginally for birth control). She came back in a month to pick up a new one, and was wearing the nuvaring around her wrist as a bracelet.
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  • 12
    Text - Patient comes in, she's upset. She's pregnant, and she doesn't understand why. She's on the pill. Upon talking to her at great length, Ifind out that she only takes the pills on the days that she is sexually active -no other time.
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  • 13
    Martial arts uniform - Old man came into the office complaining of a new spot on his chest. I had to tell him: "Sir, that is your nipple. Everyone has these."
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  • 14
    Font - Patient comes in with her bf. They are indignant, as if somehowI could've prevented [the pregnancy]. The problem? Well, the pills were bothering the girl's stomach, so, being a gallant bf,he decided to start taking them instead.
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  • 15
    Product - Had to explain that bandaids do not cure anything, but just cover up a wound. The patient in question had tried to cure her recently diagnosed Type-ll diabetes by sticking bandaids all over herself.
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13 Liars Who Got Called Out For Their Reckless Dishonesty
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