A spider landed on the grass next to me... In other news I can now levitate 8 inches off the ground with just the power of my butt cheeks

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What do you mean I can't go swimming unless there's a lifeguard on duty... They always seem to be going off duty every time I jump in the pool!

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"My house, my rules": 30-year-old boyfriend forbids his 37-year-old girlfriend from letting her dog sleep on furniture in "his" house, so she moves out and he tries to control her and her pooch there too

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