LFMF's
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Before complaining for a few months that your touch screen phone is barely responsive, make sure ...
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Your friend pretending to shoot you with your sister's pepper spray? He undid the safety switch. ...
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No matter how involved you are in math homework, it doesn't change the fact that what you just pi...
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*Dad and I are discussing the similarities and differences between the Doctor and the Jedi* Mom:...
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me: it got really hot in our house cuz the power was out for half an hour mom: and you just sat ...
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Mom on the phone with the cable guy "Can I get your name again, Todd?"
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(discussing what to get Dad for Father's Day) Me: I'm getting you a bottle of good whiskey but i...
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(before going to the pool with a friend) Dad: by mags! remember the buddy rule! Me:what's the b...
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(my dad seeing me off with my friends and i about to go to the mall) Me: bye dad. Dad: bye shor...
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(About riots in Vancouver after their Stanley Cup loss) Mom: Those kids brought their own multi-...
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Dad: when life gives you lemons, squeeze the juice into your enemy's papercuts.
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(Dad and I are outside at night time) Dad: It really is nice out. Me: Yeah... (Wild animal bar...
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(My brother trying to prove that my dad ignores him) Brother: DAD! HELP ME!! Dad: Ryan. Shut th...
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My Mum sent me a message on Skype: Internet down; Skype offline - can't get online. Mum
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My cousin, on a facebook status: So at my airsoft war, I broke my Desert Eagle (pistol) and my S...
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*step-aunt is watching me, my brother, and step-sister while our parents are away, the night befo...
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We live on a boat, and we cant (legally) poo on the boat. We had just gotten into a new harbor, s...
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Mom (to my dad, about me): You've corrupted her! You just made her say "F***"! Oh, that just made...
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(I overheard this conversation between a man and his son at the pizza parlor where I work.) Dad:...
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(In a booth at a restaurant) Dad: This music makes my balls vibrate. Mom: What?! Dad: It's the...
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Mom: I hate it when they spank the cows. Dad: Sometimes the cows like it.
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Yes, your allergy medicine and your sleeping pills contain the same active ingredient. That doesn...
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Don't eat a spoon of coffee grounds because you don't have the time to actually make coffee. Tur...
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(dad playing sims 3) mom: get off your lazy butt and fix dinner! (dad gets off couch in sims an...
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*Chatting with Dad and his girlfriend* Me: Dad use to have a big blonde afro when he was my age ...
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-during a conversation about my nephews children Mom: how are they bathing those kids? Me: what...
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My wife who just put a 'Batman' t-shirt on our 10 month son Wife:Look, our son is Batman! Me: Y...
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Mom: Don't get old. It sucks. Eldest sister: Meaning we should die young? Middle sister: Yay! I...
