LFMF's
Before complaining for a few months that your touch screen phone is barely responsive, make sure ...
Your friend pretending to shoot you with your sister's pepper spray? He undid the safety switch. ...
No matter how involved you are in math homework, it doesn't change the fact that what you just pi...
*Dad and I are discussing the similarities and differences between the Doctor and the Jedi* Mom:...
me: it got really hot in our house cuz the power was out for half an hour mom: and you just sat ...
Mom on the phone with the cable guy "Can I get your name again, Todd?"
(discussing what to get Dad for Father's Day) Me: I'm getting you a bottle of good whiskey but i...
(before going to the pool with a friend) Dad: by mags! remember the buddy rule! Me:what's the b...
(my dad seeing me off with my friends and i about to go to the mall) Me: bye dad. Dad: bye shor...
(About riots in Vancouver after their Stanley Cup loss) Mom: Those kids brought their own multi-...
Dad: when life gives you lemons, squeeze the juice into your enemy's papercuts.
(Dad and I are outside at night time) Dad: It really is nice out. Me: Yeah... (Wild animal bar...
(My brother trying to prove that my dad ignores him) Brother: DAD! HELP ME!! Dad: Ryan. Shut th...
My Mum sent me a message on Skype: Internet down; Skype offline - can't get online. Mum
My cousin, on a facebook status: So at my airsoft war, I broke my Desert Eagle (pistol) and my S...
*step-aunt is watching me, my brother, and step-sister while our parents are away, the night befo...
We live on a boat, and we cant (legally) poo on the boat. We had just gotten into a new harbor, s...
Mom (to my dad, about me): You've corrupted her! You just made her say "F***"! Oh, that just made...
(I overheard this conversation between a man and his son at the pizza parlor where I work.) Dad:...
(In a booth at a restaurant) Dad: This music makes my balls vibrate. Mom: What?! Dad: It's the...
Mom: I hate it when they spank the cows. Dad: Sometimes the cows like it.
Yes, your allergy medicine and your sleeping pills contain the same active ingredient. That doesn...
Don't eat a spoon of coffee grounds because you don't have the time to actually make coffee. Tur...
(dad playing sims 3) mom: get off your lazy butt and fix dinner! (dad gets off couch in sims an...
*Chatting with Dad and his girlfriend* Me: Dad use to have a big blonde afro when he was my age ...
-during a conversation about my nephews children Mom: how are they bathing those kids? Me: what...
My wife who just put a 'Batman' t-shirt on our 10 month son Wife:Look, our son is Batman! Me: Y...
Mom: Don't get old. It sucks. Eldest sister: Meaning we should die young? Middle sister: Yay! I...
