DaisyMurders

When riding an old bike with chain problems, DON'T pedal as fast as you can. The chain will pop ...

When you cook dinner on the kitchen-stove, always remember which ring you used to heat the pot. F...

While watching your boyfriend attempt to fix the air conditioner unit outside with a knife, be su...

Never ever take off jewelry anywhere else but home. By the time you remember you were wearing you...

Check the size of the .pdf file before hitting "print". Or you will print off 160 pages of useles...

Do Not take two extra strength sleeping pills at 4 am, Only to wake up at 6 am. You will NOT reme...

If you've never drank coffee before, don't let your first cup be espresso. And adding 5 sugar pac...

Never blow your nose while you're chewing peas. They're yummy going in but very painful coming ou...

No matter how bad fast food makes you have to toot, resist this urge while sitting on the booth i...

Never wear ballet flats in the snow. there are no grips on the bottom of them and that means slid...

When crossing the street to get to a friend, make sure that when she is waving, she's actually te...

99.5% of the time when you drop a toner cartridge it will be okay. But the one time it isn't, it...

If you're a guy, don't try to save time by peeing while brushing your teeth. The back and forth ...

Always make sure your passport is valid before you book a flight and hotel in NY. #LFMF

Those Mucinex tablets weren't Mucinex. They were Exlax. You will violently defecate for hours. #LFMF

Just because your winter coat has well-insulated pockets doesn't mean you don't need gloves. Whe...

Hiring your 82 year old dad who has alzheimers to do some household repairs with the hidden motiv...

If you are a boss of a group, remember to clear your browser history before showing us your prese...

Just because your car door can open with the press of a button does not mean that you can do the ...

Don't try to dance to 'Whip your hair' whilst in the shower. When you do whip your hair, you WILL...

Oh, that noise downstairs is the cat playing with cardboard. No it's not. It's your stove. It's o...

When taking a free sample from the mall food court, make sure it is a free sample and not some wo...

When you place a textbook next to a fireplace, don't scream when you think it's on fire. Take not...

When your plate shatters in the microwave, thus teaching you they are not microwavable safe, chan...

Eating powdered sugar donuts while wearing a black fuzzy sweater is not a good idea. Unless you w...

No matter how awful the school bathrooms are, if you have to pee, GO. Or you'll deeply regret it ...

Before puzzling over a math equation involving calculating area to know how many tiles need to be...

Never doze off when nursing a teething infant, you will be sore for the next three days. #LFMF

When dream about throwing away your alarm clock, you weren't dreaming. Kiss your 6am once-in-a-li...